How to Discipline a Sensitive Child
As every parent knows, no two children are alike, and no discipline strategy is guaranteed to work for every child. Given the diversity of personalities and temperaments, parenting requires adapting to the individual needs of the child, finding the most effective ways to encourage some behaviors and discourage others. It’s the same if you have a sensitive child , who feels emotions very strongly – good and bad.
Given the intensity of their feelings, disciplining a very sensitive child can be especially fraught, as it can lead to yet another emotional rollercoaster. However, this sensitivity does not mean that you should avoid discipline or that their emotions are a problem. It just means that your child may need a little more help to learn how to regulate their emotions.
Signs that you have a sensitive child
A sensitive child experiences emotions more than usual. Signs of a sensitive child include a tendency to cry easily, a fear of getting into trouble, and extreme mood swings, whether it be over-arousal, over-anger, or crushing frustration.
Some additional signs include a rapid escalation of emotions, a much greater reaction to a problem than expected, or difficulty expressing one’s emotions. “Another sign is that your child is responding very differently to your parenting methods than your other children,” said Jami Damler, licensed clinical social worker for Thriveworks.
If you have a sensitive child, it’s important to remember that while these emotions can make parenting difficult, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent or that he’s a bad child. “Sensitive, deeply feeling children tend to really challenge existing parenting approaches and can sometimes appear to have serious behavioral issues,” Damler said. “However, if you remember that it’s their deep emotions and sensitivities that are causing it, and that they just need a different approach, it will help you stay afloat during difficult times.”
How to punish a sensitive child
As Verywell Family advises , don’t avoid punishing your sensitive child for fear of how they will react. As they note, “When you ignore discipline, you are also depriving your sensitive child of the opportunity to learn and grow through the consequences of their actions, which is essential for healthy development.” However, there are a few additional strategies that are helpful to keep in mind when raising a sensitive child, one of which is to be aware that they have heightened emotions and adjust accordingly.
Damler recommends talking about feelings and behavior in small steps, striving to approach it with empathy and curiosity. “Because [sensitive] children often find it difficult to talk about their emotions and de-escalate, it’s important to focus on modeling and using calming approaches during outbreaks rather than trying to teach or process during those moments,” Damler said. “Once your child has calmed down, you can teach them how to deal with difficulties, how to speak with understanding of what caused the feeling, and how to find the best solutions to problems.” However, it will take some time to reach this calmer state.
At the same time, it is very important not to treat this sensitivity as something bad and not talk negatively about your overreactions, as this can make the child feel like he is too big when the only problem is that he feels his emotions are stronger than others.
“Parents want to avoid using negative language such as ‘attention-seeking behavior’ and blaming,” Damler said. “Screaming at sensitive children, showing frustration and putting them on hold often doesn’t work and makes it clear that the child’s feelings are too strong and they need to deal with it on their own.”
Some additional strategies include setting clear boundaries, teaching children to talk about their feelings, praising their efforts, teaching them to solve problems when they are upset, using deductions, and giving plenty of downtime to help them not become overwhelmed.