How to Understand That Your Friend Is in Love With You
It’s a classic story that plays out in romantic comedies and often enough in real life: two people become friends, their feelings deepen, there’s some tension that they want or don’t want, and they end up together. If you’ve ever been in love with a friend, here are some tips on how to turn a relationship into a romantic relationship, but remember that every relationship is unique and of course your experience may be different.
Why do people meet their friends
The cool thing about going from friendship to dating is that you already know that the other person shares your interests, sense of humor, and other important personality traits that allow you to get along. Plus, you know they like you, so you’re probably more comfortable being yourself than being on a first date with someone on the app.
“It’s more likely that in a friendship, at one point or another, both people experience some level of attraction to each other, but perhaps not at the same time,” said Angela N. Holton , relationship expert and founder of The Conscious Love and Dating Method, who added that she has personal experience as well as professional.
How to understand that your friend is in love with you
To understand if you are both on the same wavelength, look for clues. Laurel House , a relationship coach who works with eharmony, said this is something to look out for if you want to capture mutual romantic interest:
- They don’t ask to “hang out”, they ask to “take you somewhere” or want to “go out”.
- Next to you, they start to dress a little more chic.
- They choose the best restaurants or places to hang out with you.
- They ask more questions, listen more carefully, and generally have a better understanding of what you’re doing.
- They flirt and play pranks on you, add sarcasm and jokes, or comment on your appearance.
- They act more sensitive or resentful if you don’t talk to them, forget to turn them on, or don’t respond to their signals.
- They make you a priority.
- They remember more of the little things you mentioned or did.
How to turn friendship into romance
If the other person seems to agree with you, you can make your move by being open about your feelings. But Holton pointed out that if you’re afraid to “step over the line” and sabotage the friendship, the other person probably feels the same way too, so some caution is advised. However, if you decide to go for it: be direct, tell how you feel and ask if they felt the same way. Most importantly, though, make it clear that your existing friendship is enough if they don’t feel the same way. (And if they don’t feel the same way, be prepared to endure some awkwardness for a while until it passes. Do your best to be a great friend despite your grievances.)
If the initial conversation or any subsequent dates don’t work out as you hoped, you may need some time away from the other person to heal, but you can and should remain friends. But in any case, the conversations should not be as hard as you think. As House explained, “When it comes to relationships that start out as friendships, there is likely to be established communication, trust, and understanding already in place. Maybe not to the depth that a relationship provokes, but the foundation has already been laid.”
You need to be sure that you can talk without destroying your friendship beyond repair. In many cases, this is why you are friends: you have a solid foundation and you understand each other. A clumsy attempt at a date won’t negate what you value in each other. And, depending on the potential, not trying at all can be a shame.