Fuck It, Make Your Dirty Tequila Martini
My relationship with martinis can be traced back to the bar at Bern’s Steakhouse in Tampa, an iconic establishment designed as a French brothel. Desperate to come across as sophisticated, I ordered a dirty martini with a shrimp cocktail and ribeye. Marco, the platonic ideal of the old school bartender, asked me if I’d like olives and blue cheese. Do you think this is too much? I replied. “I’m here to drink, not to condemn,” he said. “Take the olives if you like.”
I got olives and tried to absorb Marco’s philosophy. I ordered dirty, salty martinis with gusto and lots of olives and enjoyed every single one of them. Then, one day, I ordered a martini with “just a dash of pickle.” This gave way to “regular martinis” and then “dry martinis”. My dry martini phase was taking too long, but I was in my 20s and wanted to be “taken seriously” by the vermouth-hating mixologists that were ubiquitous in the late 2000s. Once again, I was more concerned with judgment than drinking. (I got over it.)
I confess that I felt a surge of condemnation when I first read about the dirty martini tequila. “That’s not a martini,” I muttered. Half a minute later, I didn’t care anymore. “Who cares?” I muttered, this time more aggressively. In general, I don’t care , but tequila and vermouth sound good. Peppery, citrus blanco tequila can easily replace gin. Throw in some citrus bitters and a brine—I’d recommend pickled green tomato—to tie it all together, and you have a cohesive, salty, summer martini.
How to make a dirty tequila martini
Ingredients:
- 2 1/4 ounce blanco tequila
- 1/2 oz brine of your choice (try a green tomato)
- 1/4 oz dry vermouth
- 2-3 dashes of orange bitter
Add everything to a mixing glass filled with crushed ice and stir until very cold. Strain in a compartment and garnish with an olive and a strip of orange zest.