How to Deal With Lull in a Relationship

At the beginning of a relationship, everything seems to be better, but especially sex. Impromptu bed romps are the norm as you and your partner are excited to explore each other’s bodies. You are never too tired or bored – you are almost always in the mood.

But now you are in a drought. Maybe you’re stressed and busy, or maybe you’ve gone through a difficult period with your partner and your time isn’t right. Whatever the reason, sex is infrequent or has stopped altogether. It could be a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years. Yes, you are in the middle of a drought period. Now what?

“Dry periods are completely normal, whether you’re in a relationship or single, intentionally or not. There will always be moments in your life and relationships when you want to take a break from sex, and this is completely normal, ”says Alia Moore , a certified sex therapist. “It all comes down to how you choose to respond to this as a person and as a couple.”

The shame associated with the dry season has a lot to do with the social construct about how much sex we should have, rather than focusing on what is appropriate for our current situation.

And while dry spells happen in every way, according to Moore, many couples ignore the signs and don’t take the time to understand why it’s happening and how to fix it. “If you avoid the problem and distance yourself from your partner, it will be harder for both of you to figure out how you can get back into the game,” she says.

While dry spells are completely normal and there’s nothing to be ashamed of, if dry spells are bothering you, Moore provides insight on how to get rid of them.

What causes dryness in a relationship?

“Droughts often happen after the honeymoon phase of a relationship. This phase varies from couple to couple, but usually this “euphoric” stage in a relationship lasts from a couple of months to two years,” explains Moore.

Once this phase is over, Moore says, couples begin to see their partners for who they really are – their flaws, quirks, etc. their partners, despite their shortcomings. “.

But on the other hand, for some, a long-term partner can also turn into a permanent presence, which often doesn’t make them very sexy.

“They become part of your routine to the point where sex becomes boring,” she says. “Also, it no longer becomes a priority over everything else that happens in life, like a new job or kids.”

The factor of partners being taken for granted and couples dealing with many important issues in their lives, including everything from difficult work to family issues and health issues, and having sex sidelined, is very common for many couples.

Why is sex important in a relationship?

Maybe you think that a period of drought is not a big deal; that you can do without sex as long as you and your partner are still committed to each other and living together. So why is sex necessary in our relationship?

“Sex is an important part of life. Any sexual activity (alone or with a partner) has many benefits for a person’s overall health and well-being,” says Moore. “In a relationship, sex increases the level of intimacy, trust, and love between partners.”

In addition to increasing trust in each other in bed, sex between partners also allows couples to open up and be vulnerable to each other, according to Moore.

“Regular sex improves a couple’s ability to perceive and identify their partners’ emotions. As a result, couples are better at expressing their feelings not only for each other, but for other people as well.”

In addition, when a person experiences an orgasm from sex, this process triggers the release of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which plays a vital role in bonding between partners.

What’s more, says Moore, most if not all couples feel more satisfied in their relationship when they can satisfy each other’s sexual desires. “Relationships tend to develop when partners are free to express themselves, as well as their sexual needs, desires, and even their fantasies .”

Find out what causes drought and fix it.

First, you need to find out why you don’t have sex as often or not at all. Drought periods happen for many reasons, ranging from minor problems (such as separation from a partner due to travel or work restrictions) to more serious ones (such as injury, health problems, or relationship problems).

“If you take a step back to assess the situation and identify the root cause, it will be easier for all parties to understand the drought period and correct it,” says Moore, who suggests identifying and solving these problems alone or with your partner. But in any case, you should communicate with your partner further.

“I can’t stress enough the importance of being open with your partner. If you still do not know the cause of the drought, you can discuss it and find out.

Once you’ve identified a potential cause, Moore says, don’t wait for it to explode out of proportion without doing or talking about it. “Sharing your concerns and hearing what your partner has to say about them (and vice versa) can suddenly solve your drought problems. Moreover, regular communication with a partner helps you feel closer. In addition, it saves couples from talking to each other about everything – both good and bad.

So how do you bring up such a topic? Moore cautions against starting a conversation with your partner if your emotions are strong. “You end up saying hurtful things to them that you can’t take back and end up regretting.”

Also, try not to start this conversation when your partner has just returned from work or is under stress because the conversation is unlikely to be productive and both of you will end up being more frustrated.

Once you find the best moment to talk to your partner, Moore recommends simply talking about how you feel without blaming or pointing fingers. “Don’t be afraid to say something in the present. Something like: “It was a struggle for me.” or “The last few weeks/months have been really hard for me because of…” And then tell your partner what you need right now. This approach allows couples to really express what they think about the situation and to each other.”

It’s okay, take your time

After a dry conversation with a partner, Moore recommends taking your time in the bedroom. “Don’t rush things and don’t expect to immediately go from zero sex to five times a day.”

Instead, she suggests focusing on quality time and quality sex with your partner. “Make sure you have the right mindset, especially if lack of sleep, stress, or hard work is the main cause of the drought.”

What can also help rekindle the spark is remembering how your courtship began. “I’m talking about all the flirting and love stuff you did when you first started out as a couple (also known as the honeymoon phase),” says Moore. “Don’t be afraid to go back to basics. Go on a date and start a conversation. A touching part can always follow, as well as kisses, hugs and hugs. Enjoy the moment. Remember, every action doesn’t always have to end in sex. Do what is comfortable for you at the moment.”

If you think it’s appropriate to have sex, Moore suggests starting sex with words like “Do you want to do something tonight?” or “Do you want to play?”

Once things are back to normal, Moore says, don’t be afraid to experiment and explore different ways to please each other from time to time. “If you have reached this point in your relationship, you must develop intimacy on a much deeper level. And when you try something new together, you will surprise yourself every time.”

Moore emphasizes that it’s important not to expect sex to be the same as when you were a couple because that could lead to frustration for both of you.

“You have to remember that many things that have happened to you (or your partner) in the past have contributed to the drought. Stress, lifestyle changes, and physical, emotional, and psychological factors are things that are not easily dealt with overnight. So again, take your time and be patient with your partner.”

Moore says it’s important to focus on developing intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner without obsessing over sex. “Do what is comfortable for you at the moment. If you feel like hugging or kissing for just one day, feel free to do so. If you feel like doing it the next day or so, so be it. And if you just feel like hugging and talking about random things, do that too. In the end, what matters most is the bond you share with your partner.”