How to Date When You’re Still Living With Your Parents
Before the pandemic, many millennials were familiar with living with their parents throughout their adult lives due to rising housing costs and massive student debt. Now what was once an embarrassing anecdote about themselves has become the norm as a result of the pandemic, with millions of adults moving home with their parents because they lost their jobs, needed care for a sick parent, or simply wanted to be closer to family and less isolated. . As we head into a “normal” post-quarantine existence, many adults still choose to live with their parents.
Which begs the question: how does it work when you’re single and dating? And what can you say to a potential partner about your current life situation without feeling bad about it?
“Thanks to the pandemic, living at home with your parents has become much more common, regardless of age or even financial stability,” says relationship expertLaurel House . “In addition to the pandemic, it has become a cultural norm for singles and even couples to live with their parents.”
House points out that there are many reasons why adults continue to live with their parents, and all of them are normal and can be useful to both you and your parents.
“Living with your parents is an honor if you take care of them. While it may not always be convenient to have your parents by your side, the fact that you care for them is honorable, worthy of admiration, significance and respect,” says House. “It shows prospective dates that you are a family man and that taking care of your family is a priority, which can be uncomfortable right now, but it captures the bigger picture of who you are and who you will be in a long-term relationship. ”
And if you’re living with your parents because of financial problems and trying to save up, that’s a great quality too. Who can blame you for wanting to be financially responsible after COVID, especially if you lost your job as a result?
Even with all its merits, living at home with parents as an adult can still cause shame and embarrassment. If you’re struggling with how to navigate dating while still living at home, House offers some tips and ideas to make it less awkward and more inspiring.
Explain clearly why you live at home
“If you’re not sure about living with your parents, that insecurity can seem like insecurity or perhaps a defensive reaction,” she says. “So, first you need to come to terms with the reasons why you live with your parents and be confident in them.”
House calls this knowing the three C’s: “Communication creates Clarity, and Clarity creates Confidence.” You might want to practice what it means and sounds like before sharing it with a guy.
For example: “When the pandemic hit, I was worried about my parents. I didn’t want them to be lonely and isolated. In addition, finances became tight, so it seemed to me that it would be better for everyone to live together. That way I can be there to take care of them and we have created our own bubble. And honestly, it’s nice to have them around.”
How to tell a guy you live with your parents
You have a date and they ask you about your life situation. What are you saying?
“When you tell your date that you’re living with your parents, the first thing to remember is that there’s no shame and no reason to feel like you should be apologizing,” House says. “It’s just like that. Just like having a dog, or a roommate, or living alone. It’s just like that. That being said, people unfamiliar with this life situation may come to their own conclusions as to why you live with your parents, because, as with everything, when someone does not understand someone else’s lifestyle or choice, they create reasons in their heads. that make sense to them.”
If your partner wants to know more about your life situation and if you feel comfortable talking about it, House recommends doing so in a calm, confidently vulnerable, and uncompromising conversation that allows your partner to get to know you in a more intimate way.
She suggests that you might want to first bring up the conversation by asking about your date’s life situation. “Ask, ‘So what is your situation in life? Do you live alone, or with a roommate, or at home?.. By listing a few things, you dispel any potential uncertainty on their part about their living situation because you don’t know if they live with their parents or with a roommate. .
Then have them respond, listen and comment on their situation. Ask a question about it. Then share: “As for me, I live with my parents.” Then, says House, talk about the reasons for this so that your partner better understands your situation and does not come up with his own imaginary picture. “You can say, ‘We respect each other’s privacy very much. I’m obviously an adult, so I come and go as I please, and we both do our part in household chores.”
Whatever you say, House emphasizes, it’s important to be honest.
“If it’s a situation you’re not sure about [be truthful about it]. For example, maybe you lost your job during the pandemic and are therefore living at home. [You can say]: “There were a lot of layoffs at work, and unfortunately I was one of those who were laid off. So it made financial sense to move in with my parents while I got back on my feet.”
If you’re living with your parents for a limited amount of time and you don’t see the end, House recommends talking about that as well. “Let them know your game plan when your goal is to go solo again.”
How to set boundaries with parents
Dating while living at home with your parents also means setting boundaries with them so that you can feel comfortable going about your private life without much interference from them.
In this case, according to House, the three C’s are just as important to your parents as they are to your dates. “Communication creates Clarity and clarity creates Confidence. Talk to your parents about your expectations and boundaries when it comes to dating,” she says. “Some people do not like to tell their parents about their personal lives, and this is absolutely normal. But you must communicate your boundaries.”
House recommends the following script that you can use with your parents when it comes to talking to them about your love life:
“I’m dating now, and while I’d rather not talk about my dates until someone gets serious, I would like to create boundaries so that I’m comfortable bringing my dates home and you’re comfortable having my dates here.” while respecting that we are all adults and we all need our own space.”
Also, in terms of boundaries, you may decide that when you have a date, your parents will stay where they are so you don’t risk the interaction.
“Whatever you decide, it’s important that there is respect and communication between everyone,” says House.
How to spend quality time alone with a guy
If you want to spend more time with your partner, there are several options you can choose from. Of course, your dates may have their own personal space that they don’t mind sharing. Other options include booking a hotel, renting an Airbnb, or camping with a tent.
“There are websites that allow you to book comfortable hotel rooms for specific times during the day, even at the last minute, at discounted rates based on availability,” says House. “Many of the hotels include five-star hotels. One app that offers this option is called Dayuse . Now there are applications that allow you to rent people’s premises for several hours, including a pool or a games room. This is an opportunity to do a little research and get creative.”
What to do if someone rejects you because you live at home with your parents
People are people, which means they come with their own judgments and criteria when it comes to dating and relationships. If you encounter someone who judges or rejects you based on your life situation, House says it’s important to remember that he’s not for you.
“Their rejection and/or judgment is more a reflection of who they are and what their priorities are than you,” she says. “It shows that your core values are not aligned. And you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate one of your core values.”
Ultimately, House says she wants people to know that if you’re clear and confident about your priorities, there’s no real reason to be ashamed when it comes to living at home with your parents, even with the stigma involved.
“Therefore, if someone judges you based on their perception, it is an ignorant judgment. I like to call it “PrioriDating,” she says. “I coined this term to describe this dating trend after identifying your priorities, being clear about your most important core value, then being confident and unabashedly vulnerable about it, and aligning your life with that number one priority. It’s about figuring out what’s your top priority when it comes to finding a partner.”
It could be security (physical, emotional, financial), feeling cared for, or having a family. House says that once you identify that priority, you will find and satisfy that need.
“This is not about list dates. It’s about conscious dating based on your most important relationship priority. Whatever it is, you must match it. Your conversations, associations, thoughts, actions and attitudes must be aligned with this so that you can be, feel, experience and live in accordance with this priority. You do this by checking yourself often and developing a prioritized mindfulness that will help you find what you are looking for.”
And the one you are looking for will want to be with you no matter where you live and who you live with.