How to Be a Parent With Depression
Everyone has terrible days, sad days, and even terrible, terrible, no good, very bad days, but depression is a mental illness classified as a persistent feeling of sadness, hopelessness, or lack of interest. The pandemic has caused an upsurge in this disorder: The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that 21 million adults, or 8.4% of the US population, had an episode of depression in 2020 . Depression can be debilitating and hard to manage on your own, so dealing with depression while caring for children can be especially difficult. Fortunately, there are many resources, experts, and support systems that can help.
What are the signs of depression?
Look out for signs of depression. If symptoms persist for more than a couple of weeks, contact your healthcare provider. “Depression is the most common mental disorder and one of the most treatable,” says Dr. Stephanie Marcello , chief psychologist at Rutgers University’s Department of Mental Health. “Don’t keep any of these signs or symptoms a secret.”
Common symptoms include:
- Sleep changes
- Appetite changes
- Lack of concentration
- Loss of energy
- Hopelessness or guilt
- Loss of motivation
- Agitation
- Pain and pain
- Suicidal thoughts
If you have thoughts of harming yourself or committing suicide, call a suicide hotline immediately, such as the National Suicide Prevention Hotline .
How to find support in raising children with depression
Marcello says that “people who are depressed and do not seek support suffer in vain.” The first step is to seek support from a partner, family or friends. “We know that social isolation increases the risk of depression,” she says. However, beware of any toxic friendship because “we also know that friendships that focus too much on talking about problems can actually increase symptoms of depression.”
The next step in raising children with depression is to see a doctor. They may recommend medications, therapy, or a combination. “The combination of therapy and antidepressants has been shown to be the most effective,” Marcello says. “Therapy can help a person pinpoint the life problems contributing to their depression and what aspects of those problems they can address or improve.”
You may be able to build your own community and join support groups or find friends and family who will be especially good support for you as you deal with depression.
Make time for rest and recovery
Like any illness, depression requires rest and recovery. While it’s hard to take time for yourself when you’re raising a child, it’s a time when you need proper sleep, exercise, nutrition, and care more than ever.
Keep in mind that this recovery can also feel like a return to who you really are, a return to yourself. Marcello says, “When you feel down, you often don’t feel like yourself.” Therefore, it is very important to do what you like, even if you feel like isolating.
Look out for signs that your children are affected
Depression can be caused by many factors, one of which is genetics. Marcello suggests, “If a parent or caregiver knows they are dealing with depression, they may want to make sure children get screened and evaluated.” This is especially important, she says, for teens because “teens who grow up with a depressed parent tend to have more frequent and severe depressive episodes in their youth than those whose parents don’t deal with depression.” She suggests contacting your family doctor, pediatrician, or school if you have concerns.
While depression may be more common in teenagers, young children may show signs of anxiety or sadness when their parents are also feeling unwell. The Child Mind Institute suggests: “Talking to children about your depression in an understandable, age-appropriate manner,” such as telling a young child that you have a condition that makes you tired, and naming your depression when talking to an older child. They offer to tell their children that a doctor is taking care of you.
It is not your fault
Parent and author Jenny Lawson says it best: ” Depression lies .” Depression will tell you that your mental illness is your fault and that your children will suffer because of it. Not this way. Perceiving the parent as someone who is suffering, receiving help, and working on a cure models resilience and honesty. They are more likely to ask for help and work to solve their own problems. By raising depression, you show your child that you love and take care of yourself, and that you love and will take care of your children.