How Much Confidential Information Do Your Online Friends Owe You?

I sympathize with powerful people. Really. I’m closer to obscurity than celebrity, but a quick Google search on my name will provide ample evidence that I’m “extremely online.” As a writer, Twitter can also be my LinkedIn. As a comedian, TikTok is like my resume. Likes, comments, and followers – for those of us with public careers, these metrics speak volumes about our real accomplishments.

I also sympathize with influencer friends. Like many other (much more successful) authors, I strive for the authenticity of everything I post online. I don’t shoot at an unknown studio. I am writing from my office, from my porch, from my bed. For every nonsensical video I create to maintain a presence on TikTok, my extremely offline roommate wonders if I’m giving proof of the stalker enough to be able to track us down with looks around and into our house that I missed in my videos. .

In fact, these glimpses of my room, my neighborhood, and my life are no coincidence. They are a key element of content creation in its current form. The transition from super-polished, unattainable Instagram influencer perfection to seemingly sincere, “real” creators is well documented . Of course, the very act of filming and publishing turns everything “spontaneous” into a fabricated performance, but that doesn’t matter. This “cultivated authenticity” is now seen as the key to online success. And the easiest way to achieve authenticity is to let people into your life. Sacrificing a little privacy for a lot of likes? To many aspiring creators, this doesn’t seem like a dramatic compromise.

But the friends and families of the content creators didn’t necessarily sign up for it. This Reddit thread went viral last year after “real life friends of influencers” shared their life experiences with content creators who usually prioritize posting over their personal relationships. What if your friend’s “authenticity” comes at the expense of your own comfort? You have the right to set boundaries for your digital privacy, and your friends are required to respect them. There is every chance that your trust will not be broken maliciously, but it will most likely be an awkward conversation. Here’s how to start that conversation with your online friend.

Remind your friend about privacy issues – for both of you

After you’ve been online for a while, posting details about your life may start to feel like second nature to you, but your aspiring content creator friends may be insensitive to the security risks associated with their habits. The risks of posting personal information online include fraud, harassment, and identity theft. Discussing these risks is a good way to start a conversation about your privacy concerns, as you may notice that both of you could potentially be affected.

Assuming they don’t want to make any of their accounts private (which would limit their options as a creator), try to encourage privacy-focused thinking. This means that their posts need to be carefully screened for sensitive information before being published, as well as curbing the “publish immediately” instinct that many content creators feel.

Keep in mind that your online friend may be well aware of the risks and have already assessed them. In that case, it might be time to take the conversation in a more personal direction.

Set clear boundaries

There is a chance that your friend is oblivious to your discomfort. I know firsthand how the pursuit of virality can give someone narrow vision. Someone who has been posting regularly about their personal life for years can easily lose sight of why their posts might cause a friend to worry.

Even if you can’t articulate exactly what’s bothering you, but you know you’re a little uncomfortable when your friend writes about you, you can still set clear boundaries to protect your privacy. Here are some examples of what you can say to your extremely online friend:

• It is forbidden to post anything with your voice/face/name without permission.
• You always ask before you shoot something. If they “need” it to be “candid”, ask them to capture moments when you’re not in the room.
• Only use the “live” feature of Instagram and TikTok in a controlled environment.
• Make certain rooms or places without cameras.
• No revealing details that apply to your life as well, such as the area you live in, where you work, a story about a terrible date you had, etc.

If the above requests seem unreasonable to your friend, it might be time to have a more serious conversation about your relationship.

Ask your friend to explore his priorities

If your friend decides that it’s more important for him to film your birthday dinner than to enjoy your company in the moment, his current priorities may be disrupting your relationship. As every movie about fame shows us, fame is never worth sacrificing your personal relationships. (Do we need another A Star Is Born remake targeted at TikTok influencers? Too late. I’m opening up my scripting software now.)

After all, your privacy concerns are justified. It’s too easy to find someone with the power of the Internet . Here’s our guide to disappearing from the internet – assuming your friend actually stops including you in their messages.

I know I’ve lost touch with how much of my life I’m streaming online. As an aspiring writer/comedian, this seems par for the course – a necessary sacrifice that I put up with years ago. For friends of people like me: talk about what’s bothering you. I hope you help your friend understand that respecting your boundaries is more important than posting online. Your right to privacy is more important than anyone’s so-called identity.