How to Stop Saying “Like” (and Other Distracting Parasite Words)
If you’ve ever heard someone spice up everything they say with an endless list of likes, um or ah, you know it can be distracting and – fair or not – can reduce what they they say. I repeat. We all resort to verbal crutches from time to time, or what scientists call “speech disorders,” when we are nervous, distracted, or don’t know what to say next. But when these verbal tics dominate our speech, the message we are trying to convey can suffer. And most of us do it—very often.
According to the Harvard Business Review , “Using research involving behavioral science, artificial intelligence, and data, human science company Quantified Communications determined that the optimal frequency is about one filler per minute, but the average speaker uses five fillers per minute—or, one every twelve seconds.”
If you suspect that you may be using too many stray words in your daily speech, here’s how to curb the habit.
Why you should use fewer parasitic words
Some fillers are to be expected, but when used excessively, your audience can lose interest and become withdrawn. Parasitic words can make us seem nervous, distracted, or worse, insincere. And, as the Harvard Business Review writes, most people will stop trying to distinguish your main message when it’s masked by all those extra ” uh “s:
“If you want your audience to accept your message, you must make it clear, logical, and easy to understand. Unfortunately, filtering out the crutch words to highlight the important parts requires more cognitive effort than the audience is willing to put in.”
However, sometimes our anchor words are used as an expression of solidarity, in which case adherence to a peer group is obviously less risky.
Record yourself once to find the words you use the most
The first step is recognizing the problem. Some verbal crutches have become so habitual in our speech that we are not aware that we are saying them. Tape or record your voice as you casually talk to family or friends and play them back to see which tricky words interfere with your speech. Listen to: Like, uh, uh, uh, uh, okay, so, well, you know what, and you know what I mean. These are the usual suspects. (Note: there’s a difference between using “looks like” as a filler and using it to introduce comparison – desert air feels like a hair dryer .)
Find out when you use filler words
Once you’ve identified your top buzzwords, determine when you use them the most. Is that when you’re tired? Can you imagine? Put on the spot during meetings? What if you’re on a date, making small talk with strangers, or trying to impress your new boss? This can happen when you are more relaxed, like hanging out with friends, and you don’t need to be “on”. Pay attention to what situations cause an onslaught of parasitic words. Once you notice what is your biggest offender and when you use it the most, you can decide how to stop.
Set small verbal tasks for yourself
From the comfort of your own home, where the stakes are low, challenge yourself to speak impromptu on random topics for a minute or two. As Ramona J. Smith , 2018 Toastmasters World Public Speaking Champion, told Real Simple , “Practice impromptu speaking in your spare time. Pick a random topic or object and talk about it casually for at least one minute, challenging yourself to refrain from using crutches.”
Enlist a friend to call it
Smith also recommends that a friend or trusted family member count and monitor how often you use verbal crutches in casual speech. The next time you meet one-on-one, ask them to keep track of how many buzzwords you use. “Seeing how often you use crutch words will increase your understanding of how often you actually use them, ” Smith says .
Take a break
Most of the time, we rely on fillers because we think verbally—often at the beginning of a statement or when transitioning between two ideas. Trying to think of what to say next, we fill in dead space to avoid awkward silence.
In order to rely less on parasitic words, it is best to use a pause. Slow down, collect your thoughts, and think so you can respond on a powerful, confident note, not an “um.” As the Harvard Business Extension writes: “It is important that you do not start talking until you are ready. Pause, think, answer. While this is easier said than done, remember that well-placed pauses can convey self-confidence and create tension—rhetorical tools that make the speaker look better, not worse.
Keep sentences short and write for the ears (not the eyes)
Another way to speak more fluently is to keep sentences short, avoiding complex sentences and any vocabulary or expressions that you tend to trip over. “Research has shown that when you reduce the load on your thought processes, you are more likely to improve fluency,” writes communications expert Lisa Marshall for Toastmasters . When preparing for a speech, she recommends writing “for the ears, not the eyes,” including starting with the word you said and then transcribing what you say.