14 Ways to Achieve Immortality That Will Definitely Work, I Swear

Ocean Quahogs can live for over 500 years. These sticky assholes do nothing for centuries but burrow into the ocean floor and filter algae from the sea water. Humans, on the other hand, are only 78 years old before we die ! It’s not fair. Personally, I actively live in spite of death, and one day I will become immortal or die trying. I’m not talking about living off the legacy of my good deeds, the smiles of my children, or any other nonsense. I will accept only complete, never-dying immortality.

These are 14 methods and theories that I will use to never die. They run the gamut from ideas that are almost backed by science, to things that actually prolong your life somewhat, to the absurd but theoretically possible.

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