The Only Scenarios Where It’s Absolutely Okay to Summon Someone
I was a ghost and I made a ghost. When someone sees me as a ghost, I assume it’s because they’re so in love with me that the prospect of answering me is simply too great. My name pops up on their phone screen, and for my fiancé, it’s like looking at the sun. And so, consumed by emotions too strong to describe, it’s easiest for them to keep their true feelings under lock and key and ignore me indefinitely. But when I’m the ghost of someone else, it’s usually because I’m bored.
But seriously, in many cases I am in favor of a phantom. There are many different opinions about what counts as a phantom, but it usually comes down to a lack of explanation. Unlike formal rejection, phantomization leaves people with one-sided insecurities that need to be dealt with. When can you do it with another person?
Despite all the connotations of “ghosting” as an unfair or immature act of disappearing, sometimes it’s necessary for your emotional well-being or safety. The following are some of the many legitimate scenarios where it is perfectly acceptable or even desirable to use a phantom.
You never met face to face
I don’t want to brag, but my dating app inboxes are full of false starts and failures. If you want to be successful in apps, you need to make real plans as soon as possible . Otherwise, the halo threshold will be high. If you’ve never even scheduled a face-to-face meeting, then you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you stopped responding. On the contrary, I’d feel terrible if someone I’ve only ever texted took the initiative and detailed why they don’t like texting me anymore. On this note…
He defends his feelings
If I’m only going on a date or two with someone, I’d rather be a ghost than hear reasons why he doesn’t like me. Sometimes you want to explain what someone did wrong, like saying something offensive or breaking your boundaries. But if your reasons are more benign (they’re boring, or you have poor taste in music, or give you a vague sense of “trouble”), gothing may be the kindest course of action.
You were clear in your intentions
Sometimes an acquaintance is just an acquaintance. If you respectfully stated your intentions from the start, and the other person seemed to understand them at the time, then you don’t need to engage in an extended rejection period.
However, try not to interpret this too generously. A ghost can be an inattentive and cowardly act. Ask yourself if you really have really spoken about the nature of your relationship with this person before giving yourself the go-ahead for free ghosting.
If someone has presented himself in a false light
Liars, cat-catchers, swindlers – if someone is deceiving you, you have a right to a ghost. In fact, I’d say it’s hardly a “ghost” if the other person can figure out for themselves why you stopped responding. Confrontation isn’t always smart, especially if there’s a chance the other person might be manipulating or lashing out at you. Similarly….
you have a bad feeling
If you’re feeling insecure for any reason, haloing may be the safest move. As Dr. Carla Marie Manley, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationship safety, tells Tinder , “Experiencing an angry or abusive person can do a lot more harm than good. Seeing an abusive or chronically angry person doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re smart and strong.” Trust your instincts and don’t force yourself to stay in an unsafe situation.
essence
To zoom out for a moment: Humans were never supposed to have constant access to all of each other’s thoughts and feelings. This applies to emails, Slacks, and text messages to someone you’ve only been on one mediocre date with. The term “ghost” is misused and misused by people who feel entitled to have a reason for every human interaction. In fact, sometimes there is simply no connection between two people for no reason.
While your relationship with another person is still in its early stages, a ghost can be the kindest way to keep their feelings alive. Similarly, the halo may also be the safest course of action for you personally. Ultimately, you are allowed to leave when something is wrong – no explanation required.