How to Deal With an Obsessive Child
The “sticky phase” is common among young children. They may feel separation anxiety when it’s time to go to kindergarten or school, or they may not want to let you out of their sight even in your own home. This can be a frustrating time for both parent and child, but it’s also a normal part of a child’s development.
“The [sticky] behavior tells us that for some reason our child needs a lot of reassurance at this point in time, and needs a lot of extra comfort and connection,” said Rebecca Parlakian , an early childhood education expert. with the non-profit organization Zero to Three .
Why do little kids get clingy
Major disruptions in a child’s life—transitioning to a new school, moving house, or having a new sibling, to name a few—may cause a child’s need for an extra sense of security.
“It’s especially common when there’s a lot going on in a child’s life that they don’t understand,” Parlakian said.
Perhaps this is especially true in the last couple of years, since all children (and adults) have experienced countless disruptions to their usual routine.
“As a kid, sometimes you feel so helpless,” says Melissa Goldberg-Mintz, child psychologist and founder of Secure Base Psychology . “You have this routine that helps you feel grounded, but it’s out the window and you feel disconnected – of course you want to go back to your primary caregiver.”
If you know a big change is coming, it can help to prepare your child ahead of time by discussing with them what will happen and why several times so that they are not caught off guard.
How to help a naughty child
The best way to help your child get through the stickiness stage is to act as the safe and secure base they need. Extra time and attention is needed, so increase your one-on-one time, even if you can only do it in small intervals throughout the day. Look for those quick moments of connection .
“The stickiness response will help build a secure attachment to your child, so that in the future they will learn the feeling that if they need a mom or dad, they can be sure that they will be there,” Goldberg-Mintz said.
By working through the stickiness stage, parents can also help their children develop coping strategies for any major life changes that throw them off balance. If they are afraid to go to school , invite them to talk about their fears and find solutions together. To make some of these transitions a little easier, Goldberg-Mintz recommends books like The Invisible Thread by Patrice Karst and The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. What you don’t want is to discount their feelings by simply saying that everything will be fine and that they don’t have to worry.
Of course, there is a normal stickiness and there is a stickiness that seems too intense or lasts too long. Clinical psychologist Elisabeth Westrupp writes for The Conversation that parents need to consider three things: the context (any changes they experience), the intensity of the behavior (how much it interferes with their normal lives), and how long it takes. .
“If this behavior occurs daily and lasts more than four weeks and interferes with a child’s life,” Westrupp writes, “it may be helpful to consult with a specialist, such as a general practitioner, pediatrician, psychologist, or school psychologist.”