How to Know If You’re Dealing With Repressed Anger
It’s not even three weeks until 2022, but there is already something to be angry about. In fact, it has been this way for a long time, especially during the last two years of living in a global pandemic.
And while it’s easy to slip into a state of constant rage—angry at nothing and everything at once—at some point you might stop and think about what it is that makes you angry all the time. Is it all indirect, or is it something deeper and more complex? Here are some of the signs that you are dealing with repressed anger.
What is repressed anger?
Everyone gets angry, but not everyone reacts to anger in the same way. While some people act on their anger and are prone to outbursts, others don’t express it at all. For example, people with repressed anger make a conscious decision to avoid those feelings.
But for those with repressed anger, anger avoidance happens involuntarily and is done subconsciously—often out of fear or shame, explains Nicole Arzt, a licensed marriage and family therapist, in an article for Choose Therapy .
What are the signs of repressed anger?
According to Arts, repressed anger can manifest itself in a variety of ways, many of which are subtle changes in how a person feels, thinks, and/or behaves. Often this is not noticed at all until their anger reaches an exceptionally high level and they eventually act on it.
But instead of getting to that point, look out for these signs of repressed anger, courtesy of Artz and clinical psychologist Terry Cole :
security
Do you become defensive if someone indicates that you are angry? According to Artz, people with repressed anger don’t want to admit they’re angry or upset, even if it’s obvious to everyone else. “This defensive reaction prevents them from accepting and recognizing their anger, making them more likely to downplay, ignore, or deny it,” she writes.
Sarcasm
Could you be more sarcastic? “When you think of sarcasm, it’s actually a passive-aggressive way of expressing anger, frustration, or frustration,” Cole writes on his blog . “If you often find yourself saying the opposite of what you think and feel, with a sarcastic tone and maybe even an eye roll, start figuring out why it might be safer than being direct.”
Be passive-aggressive
When you cannot completely avoid conflict, do you tend to become passive aggressive when interacting with other people? “Passive aggression is an indirect expression of anger,” explains Cole . “Effective communication is direct. Expressing anger in a passive-aggressive manner may seem “safe” and respectful of your feelings, but it is ineffective.”
These are just three of the many signs of repressed anger. See the articles referenced by Artz and Cole for more examples and details.
What to do if you are dealing with repressed anger
If you’ve come to the conclusion that you’ve probably been suppressing your anger, you’ll probably want to start fighting it , or at least start processing it . This is a topic we covered extensively on Lifehacker, so you can always start there (well, this one). If therapy is an option for you, and what you now recognize as repressed anger is having a significant impact on your life, you may want to consider this route as well.