How Not to Date Your Ex on the Holidays
Whether you’re heading back to your hometown like in the Hallmark movie, or just feeling lonely, the holidays are the best time for that creepy feeling that you need to text your ex and find out what he’s up to. It’s easy enough to get lost in nostalgia for past good holiday seasons and wish you had this old partner to cuddle with, but let’s go. This is not a good idea. Here’s how to prevent yourself from lending a helping hand.
Be smart and ignore some of the Christmas lyrics
The mind is a very tricky thing. As humans, we tend to romanticize the good sides of the past and sugarcoat the bad. You know that old idea that a woman’s brain suppresses labor pain and accentuates euphoria when holding a newborn baby in her arms to make sure they have babies and populate the planet? Thinking about your ex can be like this. It’s nice to remember the tender moments of exchanging gifts or visiting each other’s families, but you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t think about the fights or hurt feelings that occurred during that period.
Two popular Christmas carols give us examples of the right and wrong views of old relationships at this time of year. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” is a mega hit that was first recorded by Darlene Love and then covered by Mariah Carey, U2, Cher and others. Unfortunately, this is our example of the wrong attitude to old relationships during the holidays: “They are singing ‘Deck the Halls’, but it doesn’t feel like Christmas at all, because I remember when you were here and we were all having fun. was last year. “
Thinking about everything that was interesting last year is not very helpful here. If the relationship were fun and healthy all year round, you wouldn’t be romanticizing for a few weeks since last December, would you?
Instead, let’s turn to a song that shows you how to properly think about your ex on the holidays. That’s right, this is “Last Christmas” by Wham! The song opens with the words: “Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it. This year, to save me from crying, I will give it to someone special. “
See how much more realistic it is? Just because it’s time for love and light doesn’t mean you need to forgive your old friend’s past wrongs. You have the right to hold on to them and keep the memory of what went wrong as a reminder that you deserve something better – even if you’re alone this holiday season and only next time you’ll be together. (It’s not so bad to be alone this season. You save money on gifts. Spend it on yourself!)
Ask yourself some of these questions
Mariah Carey and George Michael are great, but their songs don’t answer every question. It’s time to consult with a specialist.
Kate McLean, dating expert at Plenty of Fish, suggested that in order not to date your ex while on vacation, you should ask yourself a few questions. First, think about how many times you have broken up with this person, and then write down the reasons why you broke up in the past.
“Writing these reminders clearly can change your point of view,” she said. “If the initial breakup was the result of a misalignment of values and goals, it will be very difficult to get your relationship to work again. While people can change, core values and goals are often set in stone. They can continue to create or destroy relationships, no matter how much time has passed. “
So, of course, you can contact for a few weeks to watch light shows or a ring in the new year, but in reality your relationship is such that it didn’t work before and probably won’t work after the fake tree is back in storage too. Do you really want to experience another split with the same person? What a terrible way to start a new year.
Then ask, “How long ago did we break up?” McLean noted that “loneliness comes quickly, and people often return to texting their ex because it is comforting, especially at times of heightened pressure, such as the holidays, or because of big life changes such as a pandemic.”
A recent POF poll of 2,000 single people found that 55% said they would consider going back to the previous pandemic. Ask yourself exactly why you are considering this. If shocks occur in another part of your life and you are looking for something reliable from the past, consider solving your current problems instead of using the other person as a protective blanket.
Stay busy with important things
There is no shortage of things to do now. You have year-end goals to meet at work, decorations to be delivered, gifts to exchange with friends, parties to attend, write postcards, call distant relatives … the list goes on and on.
Focus on everything else that you are doing at the moment. Take time to really dress up for a corporate party or carefully wrap a gift for a friend. Volunteer with an organization that helps underprivileged people this time of year, or offer to help your parents with unpleasant household chores. It’s nice to be kind – and it’s nice to be strong and independent in the face of a little loneliness.
You can even take on a few new dates! Reload your old set of apps, or get ready for your holiday party success. Don’t let your longing for a bygone era or your desire for fast, reliable communication get in the way of meeting someone cool. Leave the past in the past. The new year is coming.