How to Explore Your Bisexuality Without Overwhelming Yourself
When you first start thinking about being bisexual, a whole new world of possibilities suddenly opens up. Basically, your personal dating pool has just doubled while you’re still trying to figure out your identity. It could be a lot. Here’s how to explore your bisexuality without distraction.
Feel what it means to you, how you want
There is a big misconception about revelation, so let’s dispel it right away: you don’t have to start physical contact with people right away to prove to yourself or others that you are “really” bi.
Haley Jacobson , a Brooklyn-based writer, explained that there is a lot of pressure on recently left people to “prove” their sexuality, but that pressure is unfairly and unevenly applied to the LGBTQ + community. She noted that it would be strange for an adult to tell a child that he could not have known he was straight until he kissed a classmate of the opposite sex, so it is equally inappropriate to say something like a newbie. -about a bisexual adult.
Kissing and physical touching may not even be your main goal on this journey, and that’s perfectly fine. Jakobson noted that community participation can be a priority that outweighs intimacy, and suggested going to queer bars, posting on apps and forums of the LGBT + community, and listening to podcasts and reading books about sexuality.
“That’s all you can do, in fact, you know, without hugging someone,” she said. “I think when we say ‘explore sexuality,’ we immediately think about getting close or having sex with someone, and I think that’s not good because it’s a lot of pressure.”
She added that the search for compatibility and chemistry with someone is “trial and error.” Take your time with this. There is no right or wrong way to research. Take it as slowly as you need or want. Spend some time messaging on a dating app. Flirt at a bookstore or weird club.
Be patient with yourself
When someone begins to identify as bisexual, Jacobson says, there are many potential problems that need to be dealt with. There may be feelings of impostor syndrome, internalized biphobia, and patriarchal expectations of what even a bisexual person has to deal with, she says.
There are stereotypes and stigmas associated with bisexual people, and such an external force can really tire you out. Bisexuals can be seen as promiscuous, unable to “just choose” a side, or interested in leading people. You are not alone in destroying these misconceptions, so remember to do what is best for you and not take on the burden of wrong public views. There are people out there who do a great job in this area – writing like Jacobson, or podcasting, or posting, or promoting innumerable ways to the community – but you don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable already. Work on your own journey day after day.
Instead of focusing on any negativity, Yakobson says, embrace the good and funny sides of your eccentricity. She noted that she thinks of herself and her sexuality through a joyful frame: “I am so meaningful, hot, cool and sexy, and just this endless vessel of love that deserves to be glorified.”
You are not alone, so find your community
No matter how old you are, where you live, or what culture you grew up in, going outside can be a little tricky – and acting according to your newly reaffirmed identity can be tricky too.
Jacobson recommended talking to other LGBTQ + people on the Internet, finding a gay-friendly therapist, and “talking to people who are just immensely happy for you.”
“For the journey ahead, we can easily focus on the people who won’t get it, but first reach out to people who will feel so proud that you can express your identity to them,” she said, adding that you should: “Rely on joy or simply deal with difficulties as they arise.”
You can take small steps to feel more involved in the community, act at your own pace, and make friends while doing it all. Remember that you are worthy of love, respect and goodwill.
Sometimes, no matter how many tutorials you read, it will be overwhelming, but with a little grounding and a group of supportive friends around you, you should be fine.
“I prefer to lean on those parts of my weirdness every day that are just funny and light and easy,” Jacobson said, “and because I do that, I can hold on to overwhelming parts.”