How to Tell If You’re Sharing Too Much (and How to Stop It)

The line between private and public information has never been so blurred, whether you blame reality TV, social media, or perhaps a global pandemic that is relentlessly undermining all of our emotional states. Chances are good that at one point or another, you were guilty of excessive disclosure, which the New York Times describes as “solely talking about personal matters and neglecting to talk back and forth.”

So: are you using Facebook as a personal diary? Do your coworkers know all the intimate details of your recent relationship? Does every conversation somehow turn into a personal monologue? It’s nice to be honest and personable, but you can go too far with how much information you share with others.

What’s wrong with sharing?

As psychotherapist Amy Maureen writes in Forbes , sharing too often can have serious consequences:

You can put yourself in physical danger by revealing too much to the wrong person. You can alienate people who are uncomfortable by sharing personal information. And speaking about your problems to people who do not think about your interests can lead to the fact that they will take advantage of you.

According to licensed family therapist Nicole Arzt, even if you have the best intentions, over-separation isn’t really conducive to healthy relationships. Instead, over-sharing “tends to make other people feel uncomfortable … they may feel pressured to ‘match’ the exchange of information, which can cause discomfort and resentment.”

So how can you spot the line around sharing too much and how to keep yourself from crossing it?

Reasons for redistribution

Why do you feel like you can say whatever you want to your hairdresser? Why is the stranger next to you on the flight now aware of your partner’s problems? Why, why, why are you telling your colleague about that unpleasant thing you did in seventh grade?

According to Morin of Psychology Today , there are five main reasons for over-distribution:

1. A false sense of closeness.

2. Consolation in a stranger

3. Wrong attempt to speed up the relationship.

4. Bad boundaries

5. A hasty attempt to make someone feel comfortable.

So, when your hairdresser is in your physical space, it creates a sense of intimacy that may not actually be there. You will never see your chair mate again, so you feel comfortable using it to get rid of any problems. And your coworker may have been the first to share embarrassing stories, so now you’re digging into your own past to make things less embarrassing. Identifying the causes of over-sharing can help you avoid it in the future.

The signs you share

Obviously, the lines around over-sharing depend on a number of contextual factors, such as your relationship with someone or your physical position. Aside from people telling you straight out that you’ve gone too far, here are some signs that even your friends are thinking TMI.

Your relationship is unbalanced

Psychologist Andrea Bonior said Real the Simple , «If you feel like everybody knows, how about you more than you know about them, it is definitely time to take stock.”

Are you afraid of the silence

Do you always break the silence? People around you can be completely comfortable with the silence and even uncomfortable with the way you break it. Even if you do not disclose purely personal information, you can share too much if the context does not guarantee that you are sharing anything at all.

Your loved ones feel like therapists

A good friend should also be a good confidant. However, ask yourself if you are going to a friend on an equal footing, or if you expect them to treat your performance as a therapy session .

Nobody interacts with you on social media

There are no hard and fast rules for interpreting social media interactions, but even if your close friends ignore your statuses, you might be wondering if you are using your accounts like private journals.

You are literally at work

If you are wondering if you are sharing too much personal information with colleagues, then you are probably already sharing too much personal information with your colleagues .

Stop sharing

The number one way to avoid over-sharing is to identify why you feel obligated in the first place. Arzt writes that knowing why you’re sharing too much helps break the mold. For example: “If you know you’re sharing too much because you want attention, you may start thinking about what triggers that need for attention. If you think you are talking too much out of anxiety, you can reflect on the situations that cause you the most anxiety. “

After you’ve analyzed the reason for over-sharing, here are a few more strategies to curb your sharing habits:

• Limit yourself on time. If you speak for a few minutes, you are probably turning the conversation into a monologue.
• Find another outlet. Start journaling instead of posting, or start leaving yourself voice notes to verbally process something.
• Practice active listening . Make sure you are asking the other person questions and not constantly dominating the exchange.
• Avoid social media when you are feeling emotional. This rule should be observed in any context.

How to recover after overshalling

You may have clicked on this article in a panic moment after posting. We all had a moment of momentary regret after we blurted out something. The key is to fix the problem and move on quickly. Change the subject, cheer up, and don’t drive yourself crazy by taking too long to ponder any information that’s already out of control.

And if you feel like sharing things has become a part of your personality, consider finding the right therapist for you .