The Reluctant Traveler’s Guide to Experiencing the Holidays

If you want to know what “puzzled fun” looks like, tell one of your neighbors at the party that you hate traveling anywhere, under any circumstance. People love to travel. They love it so much that it usually comes first on their list of things they would do if they had the time and money, right below how to destroy their enemies and own a private island.

But if you are a minority who knows that travel is objectively horrible, then you also know that the only thing worse than travel is going on vacation to visit a family living in ridiculous places. The world is starting to wake up to us – Apple TV + just announced that Eugene Levy, aka Schitt’s Creek, will be hosting a new show called Yes, The Reluctant Traveler – but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re about to relive another holiday the season when you get ready, unpack things and generally do things that you would not like to do.

So, if the unique Venn diagram that represents you includes both a loathing of travel and a preference for being eaten by hungry bears instead of spending another minute with your big family, vacation travel is a very special, special time. This is how you are going to survive.

It’s okay not to go on vacation (or ever)

The first thing you need to do is validate yourself: travel anxiety is a thing , and you are not alone in hating travel as a concept. As with any dominant culture, you might seem like the only person in the world who hates flying off to exotic locations (just ask someone who doesn’t drink alcohol how many times they have had to painfully explain this to distressed strangers). But take a break: you’re allowed to dislike things.

And, frankly, there is a lot to dislike about travel . It’s expensive, disrupts your daily routine, and is often tiring, especially when you add family luggage – and you’re not the only person who doesn’t like their family . Society is strongly encouraged to view family ties as an undeniable aspect of everyone’s life, but at the end of the day, they are just people you have a relationship with and you don’t need to love them or enjoy visiting them.

But accept the fact that you’re going to

Then accept your destiny: you are about to travel. You wouldn’t be reading this if the stressful visitation trip wasn’t in your cards for you. One of the best things you can do psychologically is to accept this fact and avoid being passive-aggressive about it. It starts with admitting that you are making a decision. Whatever the potential consequences may be, you have the choice not to travel to visit your family. Avoiding these consequences is another choice, so admit it. This will put you in a position of control and power, even if you are doing what you may not like and would rather not do it because you prefer to do it in order to avoid what you like even less and what you really prefer. not to do. (divorce, for example).

Once you’ve done that, there are some steps you can take to help you survive in both the mechanics of your journey and the family part.

How to survive a real journey

There are usually three main pain points for people who despise travel as much as most people despise 5:00 pm Zoom meetings: leaving safe space and daily routines, facing the physical horrors of modern transportation (airplanes, trains, and rental cars), and weird substandard the life of hotels or guest bedrooms. For some people, it’s okay to spend three hours in the seat next to Dwight Schrute with just an edited version of La Brea to distract them, but for the rest of us, the only thing that’s worse is imagining our cat slowly dying from loneliness. …

Here are some steps you can take to make the physical act of travel more bearable:

Highlight comfort

One of the reasons travel sucks is because we suddenly find ourselves relying on the unfamiliar, which requires learning and is usually frustrating. Instead, take your friends with you: favorite snacks so you don’t get stuck in your meals at the airport or on the plane, downloaded movies and TV shows, and bedding that will turn a strange bed into a familiar retreat.

Maintain your daily routine

For most, traveling is a way to break out of the routine, but what if you love the routine? One way to stay sane is to stick to this routine as much as possible. It will take some work and planning, but the psychological impact of following your exercise routine, sleep schedule, and reading / watching TV schedule cannot be overstated.

Be ineffective

A lot of the stress of travel stems directly from our frantic efforts to turn travel around the country or the world into a puzzle with perfectly timed connections and on-time logistics. The more you control your route, the more stress you will experience. Set aside extra time instead. A little boredom is better than a lot of stress, and it will serve you well when you find that the security line is so long that airport staff are handing out blankets and pillows. Plus, you don’t want to get where you are going, so stop acting the way you are.

One bag is

The fewer things you have to do, the less stress you will experience. Luggage on wheels hides how many things we’ve packed because we don’t feel the weight , and having to rummage through your luggage to find something that you’ve cleverly hidden inside one of your socks is never fun. The less you have to interact with luggage carousels or even luggage compartments, the better, and having one lightweight bag makes the transition from plane to taxi or train much easier.

How to survive in a family

Congratulations, you survived several hours in a terrifying metal pipe filled with dozens of people who apparently never learned how to use the toilet! Your reward is to spend a few days with your family. Signal to a sad trombone.

Here’s how to get to the other side while maintaining your sanity:

Manage your expectations

Much of the stress associated with family vacations arises from the chasm between our expectations and reality . If you embark on your annual pilgrimage in anticipation of the perfect movie journey, you will be stressed out when something is out of place. Instead, assume the worst: This trip will be at least as bad as the last one. It sounds depressing, but expecting the worst means that normal experiences will be perceived as positive.

War game visit

This is your family, so chances are you know what the pain points will be. The cousin who got you into an angry political debate last year? They are probably going to do it again. So why allow yourself to be surprised and worried? Develop a game plan for each potential encounter. It may not turn out the way you imagine, but having planned responses or a strategy to address unwanted topics of conversation at least means you can avoid panic reactions.

Add some “your time”

The main key to making family visits less awful is making plans. Giving up the choice of how you are going to spend all of your time is an easy way to become resentful, angry, and generally unhappy. Cut down on the amount of time you’re actually stuck in your aunt’s living room eating out of the shared cheese strip and listening to Q A ‘s latest theory about JFK Jr. Make a plan, for example, to visit local acquaintances – and if you don’t have enough for local acquaintances – come up with and make plans with them .

Stay at the hotel

Family visits often mean staying at a relative’s home – perhaps even in your own children’s bedroom. While this is comforting and enjoyable for many, if you don’t get along with your family – or maybe you don’t feel particularly close to your relatives – having a private place to retreat at the end of the night can have a huge positive impact on your level. your stress. The hardest part of negotiating is raising the issue the first time, which can generate some resentment and ruffle feathers. But it becomes much easier when you have it installed and your family realizes how much easier it is on them as well.

Don’t get involved

One of the main sources of stress when visiting family is culture wars. Your various drunk uncles and Aunt Karens may have been warned not to bring up certain topics, or memories of last year’s nuclear bomb blast may still be fresh enough to leave everyone alone, but someone will choose violence during your visit … The best thing you can do is just not get carried away. These arguments are win-win and just stressful.

Finally, one of the most powerful decisions you can make to reduce vacation stress when visiting family is so simple that we tend to ignore it: don’t go at all.