How to Tell If Someone Is Emotionally Available

There’s a big difference between dating and dating , seriously. You can go on multiple dates with the same person over the course of several months and not actually be together, but it can be difficult to understand why the relationship is not deepening. The other person may simply be emotionally unavailable. Here’s how to tell if a person is emotionally available or not.

Define Emotional Availability

This is what emotional accessibility is, according to Frontiers in Psychology : “Emotional accessibility (EA) refers to the ability of two people to maintain a healthy emotional connection and thus sheds light on the emotional and dyadic quality of the relationship.”

Simply put, someone who is outgoing and wants to move forward in a relationship has emotional availability. Someone who is vague or deceptive, or disagrees, but does not want to explain why, does not have emotional accessibility.

However, knowing a clear definition is only half the battle. You also need to determine the emotional availability for yourself and your relationship. Think carefully about what you want from your partner and what elements of emotional availability are most important to you before looking at the other person and assessing whether they are emotionally available in the first place.

If someone is emotionally unavailable, there may be several reasons. They may have been hurt in the past, they may have witnessed a breakup in parenting, they may still be dependent on their ex, or they may simply not be ready to give up their free lifestyle in favor of something perfect. There is nothing wrong with being emotionally unavailable; the only real problem is they turn someone on over it.

Look for signs in communication

The way the other person behaves when you talk to them indicates their emotional availability. If they shy away from discussing personal topics, seem uninterested in talking to you, or find it difficult to communicate with you, consider that they might not be emotionally available.

The other person may engage in physical connections or seem to enjoy small talk through text every day, but may not be ready or willing to seriously open up and communicate on a deeper emotional level.

Find out how you feel after dinner or a long conversation with the other person. Do you feel heard? Do you feel respected? Do you feel that you both share equally and honestly? If they have good communication skills, at least you should feel like the conversation was productive. If not, be aware that they may be emotionally unavailable.

Ask them

It’s perfectly okay to ask the other person if they see the relationship getting more serious, or if they have reasons why they want to prevent it. Ask them if they feel emotionally available, if they are ready for a sincere relationship, and if they are willing to open up to you and be open in return.

If they pull away, they may find themselves emotionally unavailable. They could also be more direct and answer your questions by saying that they are not really looking for anything serious and are in fact emotionally unavailable on their own.

Be that as it may, having a frank and open conversation with them is sure to help you understand whether you are dealing with someone who is emotionally available or not.

Decide what to do

If you – and the other person – decide that they are emotionally unavailable or unprepared for a serious relationship, you don’t need to drop it right away. Just as you have rated which parts of emotional availability are most important to you in a relationship, assess which parts of the relationship itself are important to you.

If you want stability, reliability, and exclusivity, this person may not be for you, but if you want to keep hanging out and having fun, you can connect with an emotionally unavailable person.

Remember, they cannot be emotionally unavailable forever. Maybe they need a little encouragement to open up, a little affection, or a sense of security. Withstanding may work for you in the long run, although you also need to be aware that comforting or changing the other person is not your responsibility and may never be your partner. Take business from day to day and see how they are doing.