How to Tell If Your Angry Teen Is Really Depressed
When we think of depression, we tend to imagine a person who is sad for a long period of time. While it is true that sadness is often a key symptom, depression can also manifest as irritability. The same is true for your teen, although in his case, since he is also experiencing mood swings as a result of the shift in hormones that accompany puberty, determining if his irritability is normal or something more disturbing can be a little more difficult.
“The hallmark of adolescence is some irritability, or the feeling that people just don’t understand it,” said Heather Bernstein , a clinical psychologist at the Institute of the Child’s Mind .
It is difficult to cope with hormone changes, as well as all the other stressors of adolescence, including school, friends, and extracurricular activities. Your teen can go from happy to irritable in a matter of hours, and that’s completely normal. However, sometimes a teenager’s irritability can be a sign that he is depressed and needs help.
So how can you tell the difference between common adolescent irritability and depression-related irritability?
In irritability associated with depression, duration and environment matter.
“Typical irritability comes and goes and returns to baseline relatively easily, and you can deal with it relatively easily,” Bernstein said. On the other hand, irritability associated with depression will last much longer and also show up in different environments.
For example, if your teen is angry when he gets home and you try to ask him how his day was, but is happy with his friends or with his usual extracurricular activities, this might be normal behavior. If one day they are unusually irritable, but show themselves as usual towards others, it is also a sign that their mood swings are just part of normal teenage life, and not something more.
“When we talk about the difference between irritability and depression, we really mean two things,” Bernstein said. “One of them is duration. How long does it take? Does it seem like they are always angry, always irritable, never back to baseline, but this is not just a day; has it been going on for weeks? “
Another factor is the environment. If your teenager is irritable in the same environment, such as school, but not at home or with friends, it may just be normal irritability. However, if they are irritable in different environments, especially when doing something they used to enjoy, this is a sign that something else might be happening.
“If you see this irritability in different environments, it’s a sign that something is happening, not just irritability,” Bernstein said.
It’s also important to keep an eye on any changes in your teen’s way of functioning, whether it’s in school performance, in extracurricular activities, or in their personal relationships. If they used to be busy with a lot of things, and over time they became less involved, this is another sign that something is wrong.
How to talk to your teenager if you think they are depressed
As a parent, it is important to understand that as difficult as your teenager’s anger is, it often serves as a defense mechanism for those who may not understand what is happening or how to deal with their emotions.
“If I’m sad and it’s really hard for me to talk about that sadness, if I have an angry reaction when someone approaches me, that person will probably push away from me, and this can serve as a function to protect me in my little bubble. Bernstein said. “It can also be very gratifying, because anger seems to have a function, whereas the symptoms of depression are not always the case. Children may not know why they are sad all the time, they may not know why they no longer enjoy classes, why they feel so tired all the time, why they do not want to do something. “
However, if the parents bother them, it gives the teenager an easy target to blame to defuse their anger, rather than admitting some very confusing emotions. So when it comes to talking to your teen, it’s important to start with empathy and curiosity. And as hard as it is, it’s also important not to react to their anger.
“Anger often responds poorly to anger,” Bernstein said. As she notes, it’s very easy to get caught in a loop in which parents and teenagers get mad at each other when something else happens instead.
How to find help for your teenager
If you think your teen might be depressed, it is important to be proactive and seek help. A good place to start is your pediatrician or any counseling services at their school.
“Early intervention is always better,” Bernstein said. “In the worst case, they’ll say your teen doesn’t need help, and at least then you’ll know he’s okay.”