Be Trendy Late With These Two Cocktails
It takes me ages to get ready, and I’m chronically late. I don’t like these two facts about me, but they are. It got to the point where even my dream life was affected; I can’t tell you how many movie premieres, secret meetings with revolutionaries, private jet trips to exotic locations and (my) weddings (s) I missed, because even in a world created by me subconsciously, I manage my time like an asshole. Sorry Matthew McConaughey (I was surprised too, but the chemistry was undeniable).
Self-employment, mostly a loner and an “entertainer”, really helped me educate my messing around and procrastinating. I debugged and mastered the technique right in quarantine. Now that the world has opened up a bit, I, true to my form, will arrive two hours later, on a poisonous cloud of excess perfume and hairspray, my hair is twisted into a poodle helmet, my face is painted in emotional coloring. bulletproof kabuki mask as I sneak into the nearest corner to hide.
My process of pupating from curmudgeon to soul mate is complex and rather ineffective. First I shower (take a two-hour bath), then change (change my clothes three times, hate everything I have), then do my makeup (put on the most convincing human veil) and, of course, among other things, I tend to be distracted from any music in the background (David Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes will likely play at least twice) and sip on a cocktail before leaving. Or two. Probably two. Definitely two. It is economical.
My favorite shake to prepare is one that I tend to drink slowly rather than tossing it away – I don’t want to start my evening too much – so ideally: very drunk, a little old – well-timed, and agitated or on a rock. Here are two:
Bijou
The Bijou (circa 1882) is an herbal martini riff that is sharp and powerful. It is also beautiful. If you don’t have green chartreuse, increase your gin to two ounces and sweet vermouth to one, and you have a Gin & It that’s just as delicious, just a little less complicated.
- 1 ½ ounce gin
- ¾ ounces sweet vermouth
- Ounces of green chartreuse
- 2 drops of orange bitterness
- Lemon twist
Add the ingredients (other than the lemon twist) to a chilled Boston glass (I’m using a pint glass from Ikea) and cover with cracked ice. If you don’t have cracked ice, use the ice you have, just make sure you have enough so that there is more ice in the glass than liquid. Stir for about 30 seconds, until glass freezes again, then strain into chilled compartment. Place lemon peel on the compartment and decorate.
King Cole
The King Cole (circa 1930) is an Old Fashioned riff that uses Fernet Branca instead of Angostura as a bitter ingredient and cane syrup instead of a sugar cube.
- 2 ounce rye or bourbon
- ½ ounce Fernet Branca
- A teaspoon of cane syrup (or plain syrup, or a cube of brown sugar mixed with a bar spoon of club soda)
- Lemon twist
Pour the ingredients (other than the twist) into a low bowl glass and add ice. Stir 5-7 times, then add the lemon slice to the glass and garnish. (The Old-Fashioned pattern does not require refrigerated dishes.)