How to Tell Your Partner That You Want to Be Sexually Humiliated
What you want to do in the bedroom is up to you, but what you actually do also depends on your partners. All participants have to agree to this – this is called agreement, and it’s pretty fundamental. As long as the members want it, there are not many “right” or “wrong” things to do, but it can be difficult to reach out to a partner with suggestions or ideas that go beyond what you consider to be the norm, especially if what you are asking for might considered humiliating. Here’s how to do it.
Find out what you are doing first.
Experimenting with another person and finding out what you enjoy together is great, but we recommend starting meetings with at least a general idea of what you want to try in person. It’s really special to find someone as curious and open-minded as you are and do crazy new things with them – and not every partner will be – but you still need to talk about it first. These are not films. Most of the time, you are not going to go to bed with someone new and intuitively know that both of you are doing the same thing, be it vanilla or slightly spicier.
The conversation doesn’t need to be too difficult or stressful, but it is helpful to have a solid idea of what you want to do before taking it up. Think back to past meetings to find out what you might be passionate about. What did you hope your partner would do that he or she didn’t? What were you embarrassed to ask? Read erotic novels, open a private internet browser for some research, listen to friends talk about their dirty exploits at brunch – be open to your own feelings and reactions to better understand your own desires.
Know your partner
There are countless casual dating apps that can set you up with like-minded people in bed, and while it might seem like you’re hooking up with someone on one of these platforms to have less-than-vanilla sex means you’re going blind, you actually no. You do know a thing or two about them: you know that they are primarily addicted to what you do .
With a long-term partner or someone you have n’t met because of common interests, it can be much more difficult to bring up these topics. Start a conversation armed with not only information about what you want, but what you already know about them and their inclinations. What you might think is too humiliating or embarrassing to ask for it may seem to others.
“It depends a lot on the parties involved. And while adults agree with enthusiasm at these parties, it’s not so much about physical action as about intent, ”said Lil Governor, a hairdresser and femdom from New York. “For one person, wearing underwear and high heels may seem demeaning, while for another it’s hot and powerful. Spanking is humiliating for some, but for others it’s just part of being in the moment during vanilla sex. Even if you and your interlocutor enjoy the same things, the reasons for this may be different, and if the dialogue is open, it is not so shocking when something new appears that you want to explore. “
Do not panic
It’s easy to imagine that your partner will be in some way angry or resentful if you ask about their willingness to humiliate you or be humiliated in the bedroom. And honestly, they may be, but that shouldn’t be your problem. If such actions are not negotiable for you, be aware that a monogamous relationship with them may not work. It’s better to know than to always ask the “what if” question.
“The repressive industrial complex is strong,” added Lil Government. “Many of us grow up when they are told that it is unacceptable to discuss sex openly, all porn is bad, certain clothes are harassing, and so on. prosper. With your partners, fear can be denied, or seen as strange or tainted. These fears are well founded, and we must all weigh the risks of ridicule or condemnation in order to better understand ourselves and our community. ”
Remember that you deserve to ethically explore everything you want sexually and in all aspects of your life. Do not suppress any part of yourself for fear that someone else might not accept it. Life is too short for that, and you always have other options.
Go and ask
Just ask the other person. You can do this over dinner, or maybe even after intimacy. It can be very simple: “It was fun. Hey, what if next time we try … “
Try to start by focusing your attention on them. Ask, “What have you always wanted to do but haven’t had time to try?” Remember that it is important for both of you to express yourself and help each other fulfill your desires. From here they will most likely ask about your fantasies, or you can share yours and invite you to try each other. Compromise works wonders, as does the willingness to work with them on their needs. To receive, one must give.
Lil Government said she was “a big fan of just asking.”
“If you want to demean, make sure your partner is interested in this dynamic, period,” she said, noting that asking how they will react to certain actions is less aggressive and intimidating than telling them what you want. make. “Start lightly and leave enough room for them to say no.”
Keep lines of communication open
Again, life is not a movie. You may not be able to intuitively grasp all the needs and desires of your partner. Discuss this not only in advance, but also during any meeting. As the Lil Government points out, “Fiddling with sex without anyone expressing your needs is inconvenient at best and dangerous at worst.”
If you are dating this person, you need to talk about everything , not just intimacy. If you are not dating them, then talk about intimacy at the very least. People always have the right to say no in advance and in the heat of the moment. You also have the right to ask for what you want. It is a forward and backward movement, but communication must continue.