How to Date Someone Much Higher (or Lower) Than You
By and large, dating someone of a different height isn’t all that important. And if you’re noticeably short or tall, you’ve probably been there, doing it. However, there are a few things to keep in mind if you are starting a relationship with someone who is much higher or lower than you.
Don’t be surprised by the difference in height
“Don’t be weird” is solid advice that applies to almost all situations in life, but here we are specifically talking about two cases: Don’t be weird by constantly mentioning the date of your date or your partner’s height, and don’t do it. Be weird, actually fetishizing growth.
Katie Jacobson, a 29-year-old artist from Minneapolis, explained, “I wish people knew this was weird. Society makes it weird. Many men think that I have already fired them because I am taller than them. They put it on me instead of just asking. “
At 5’11 ”, Jacobson is seven inches taller than the average American so she has experience here.
“I haven’t come across a lot of fetish things, but it’s a fairly common problem and other tall girls I know mention how creepy it is,” she added. “I suppose it’s kind of like short women being infantilized and fetishized, but instead guys have this energetic fantasy of being crushed by a tall Amazon woman and it’s like, ‘My boyfriend, I don’t want that either.’ “.
Eric Del Valle, a 6-foot-2 New Yorker, said he had been on several dates when the topic was about his height.
“This is annoying,” he said. “This is becoming the center of attention. It sounds nice at first, but after a while, it’s like, “Okay, there really isn’t much else to point to.”
He advises potential mates not to ask tall people if they play basketball. Write it down. And even if the difference in height isn’t in your relationship, don’t point it out in others.
“There are also comments from people who are not in relationships,” Jacobson said. “I’m sure any height discrepancy will be noticed in most couples, but if I’m around a short man, it’s like people should comment on it. People are constantly seeing high growth in relationships. Even if the two people involved are okay with it, everyone you meet makes it something worth paying attention to. “
Be nice and don’t fall for stereotypes
If you’re dating a shorter person, don’t put your most commonly used cooking ingredients or cleaning products on the topmost shelf of your cabinet. If your partner drives a car with different heights, try not to be picky if he forgets to move the seat to a comfortable position for you. Definitely don’t have control over how they act or dress; a short person should not be shy or cute, and a tall person will not always be assertive. Do not create a stereotypical ideal for them that needs to be met, and get so carried away by it that you forget that they are an ordinary person with their own personality.
“There is pressure not to wear high shoes,” Jacobson said. “I used to work in a shoe store and women didn’t wear heels because they were close to their partner or were the same height. It was constant attention on their part. I said, “What the hell, I’m going to wear what I want,” but then it becomes a statement , like I’m emphasizing or saying something instead of just wearing what I want on a date. “
Remember, too, that accommodating or understanding your partner depends a lot on what expectations exist of him outside of your relationship. This is especially true for gender roles. As Jacobson noted, a heteropair with a taller woman is more likely to undergo scrutiny than a heteropair with a taller man. It’s not your job to break all social stereotypes, but you need to know about them, if only in order to better ignore them and support your partner.
Gender expectations can be so frustrating for tall women, especially that there’s even an app for them. James Valladares, founder and CEO of DateUp , explained that his dating app “is designed to make dating more comfortable for tall women.”
Referring to “feedback that tall women have provided over the past year,” he explained, “Many tall women choose to date tall men, but many are also open to dating shorter men if they are confident and comfortable with the height difference. DateUp does not weed out anyone by height, only those who do not want to date someone taller. “
If you take a look at this app, go back to the first tip: Don’t be weird. No fetishism. The fact that you are open to reaching a certain height does not mean that you need to fear it or seek it.
Do not worry about it
Valladares explained that confidence is the key to a successful heterogeneous relationship. It’s true, but you will get used to it over time, if you took care of it at all.
“It is important for couples with height differences to understand the values we place in relationships,” he said. “If you can have confidence in the values that you both share, it’s easier to ignore social and social pressures and focus on building strong, lasting relationships.”
Laugh together. It can be downright funny if one partner has to crouch to get into the closet, the other can easily enter or must jump to pull the ceiling fan cord. The next time your tall partner complains about a cramped plane landing or your short partner gets a kids’ menu, pay attention to the humor.
“What’s even funnier, I was dating a tall guy [6ft 5], and it was comical for both of us to fit in his twin bedroom, to put it mildly,” Jacobson said.
Your partner is more than the height you already know about. Alyssa Molina, a 5-foot-2 New Yorker who for a time dated a 6-foot-5 man, told Lifehacker that when it came to what attracted her to him, “it wasn’t his height.”
“Physically he’s my type, but he was also very sweet, calm and attractive,” she said. “It was easy to talk to him.”
Valladares summed it up this way: “For those who are hesitant to date someone of a different height, my advice is to be open-minded. Sometimes love comes when you least expect it, so you can find the perfect match with someone you didn’t expect. ”