Stop Substituting Communication for Friendship (and Vice Versa)
Networking sucks, which means there’s no shortage of tips on how to have fun. One of the most common suggestions is, “Don’t socialize – make friends instead.” But that kind of attitude sucks in its own way. If you become friends with someone because of their connections, are you really their friend? (Probably no.)
The solution is to stop networking with friendships – and vice versa – and start putting relationships with people above your career aspirations. This does not mean that you have to give up your dreams – it just means that you have to rethink how you interact with people on your way up the corporate ladder.
Chat with other people with common interests
Cold emailing (or texting) someone asking for career advice is risky, but if you do it right, it can pay off. Start by checking your intentions: have you decided to contact this particular person just because they seem helpful, or because you are genuinely interested in their work and want to know more?
Most network requests always have a bit of both motives behind, but if it’s not obvious, the second answer is correct. People can recognize when the request to “take your brain” comes from a place of mutual interest. Likewise, it’s obvious when someone doesn’t really care about their area of expertise and just needs to connect. If you fall into this category, don’t waste their time.
This also applies to existing professional relationships. People love talking about themselves and their interests, so talk about them and listen to what they have to say. In other words, stay interested – even (and especially) if there is nothing for you.
Treat people like people
Even when networking events “work” – people go home with new connections and possibly job searches – they can still feel unpleasant and manipulative. At least in part, this is due to the fact that people treat people like tools, not people.
It is important to remember that there is another person at the other end of your professional interaction, and act accordingly. It may look like a million different things, but it basically comes down to respecting the time and feelings of people. A good example: do not ping a colleague “Hello!” with zero context and wait for an answer. They have no idea what you want and are probably more nervous than they were before your message.
Whatever your career goals, remember that no one moves forward alone. If you want to be successful, treat others with the respect they deserve and don’t lose interest in what they have to say. The rest will follow.