How to Deal With “disenfranchised Grief”
Grief is a natural reaction to loss , from the death of a loved one to divorce, sudden financial stability, or the end of a friendship. During times of grief, people tend to experience a range of emotions – from anger to guilt to sadness – all of which are normal and take time to overcome.
Whatever the reason, grief is hard to digest. But a special type of grief known as powerless grief can be a special problem to overcome. Disenfranchised grief, also called hidden grief, refers to a loss that is minimized, unrecognized, or misunderstood by others, which can make people feel isolated and lonely when they need support most.
“The belief that someone else can understand the underlying emotions that you are experiencing, makes the experience less complicated grief and makes you feel less isolated,” – said Emily Simonian, a licensed therapist on marriage and the family of Thriveworks.
Examples of powerless grief include the loss of personal relationships that others did not know existed, such as an LGBTQIA + person who has lost a partner but does not feel safe outside the home; a loss that others consider “lesser,” such as the death of a pet or a health problem; loss surrounded by stigma, such as infertility or death by suicide; exclusion from mourning, such as the death of a former partner; or grief that is not in line with social norms, such as showing anger or engaging in work.
If people either do not understand or actively play down human grief, handling these emotions becomes much more difficult and can even cause the person to question the validity of their feelings.
If you or someone you care about is experiencing this kind of grief, here are some strategies that can help:
Know that your emotions are valid
Even if people around you do not understand your loss well, this does not make your emotions less significant. If you are grieving, the first step is to acknowledge that what you are feeling is right and normal. This is the first step to healing .
Find someone who understands
Even if most people do not fully understand your grief, there are still people who do. This may include family and friends who may have an idea of your loss and are willing to listen to them, or it can be found in the form of local and online support groups with people who may be experiencing a similar loss.
“The emotional support of the other person helps you feel heard, confirmed, understood and possibly even distracted, which can be a necessary survival tool to give yourself a break,” Simonyan said.
Get to the root of your grief
Until you turn to your grief , it will not disappear. Whatever loss you are experiencing, try to find a way to define your feelings so you can overcome them. This can be especially difficult if others do not understand, or if society does not recognize your grief as valid, but it is still important to do it. Unresolved feelings can come back later.
Create your own ritual to mourn loss
Rituals help people find their way out . That is why we have a funeral – so that we can honor the life of a person, and also to cover his loved ones a little. However, rituals do not have to be large-scale or public. If you find it difficult to deal with your grief, it can help to create your own personal ritual that has personal meaning.
The right ritual will vary depending on your personal preference and the nature of your loss, and finding the right one can take a little trial and error. Choose a time and place that will give you the solitude you need to fully experience the loss. For example, you might visit a place that either has an emotional impact on your loss or offers the peace of mind you need. The important part is to take that time to pay tribute to your loss as you need it.
Get the help you need
Even if your loved ones don’t quite understand, they will still want to support you. To help them do this, it is important to think about what you need from them and ask for it.
“Try to focus on figuring out what you want from others at this time,” Simonyan said. “Consider letting others support you in their own way and letting them know exactly what you need.”