How to Deal With a Worker Bully
Do you have a working bully? Don’t be embarrassed if you do this. Overly angry and aggressive peers are usually associated with high school, but don’t be fooled: there are violent adults out there, and you can easily work with them.
If so, Jennifer McClure, CEO and Chief Interest Officer of Unbridled Talent and DisruptHR has some tips.
You are not the only one dealing with a bully
Any abusive person, from an intimate partner to a working bully, relies on a standard arsenal of tricks to torment their target. One is to make the victim feel completely alone and have no one to turn to.
Bullying at work is far more common than you think, and you have someone to turn to. You have a human resources department! And if not, then you have a boss. Don’t let the fear that you are somehow the only person experiencing this prevents you from speaking out; this is exactly what the worker hooligan wants.
Looking for proof that you are not alone? McClure herself has worked with a bully in the past.
“Yeah,” she said, “I worked for an organization where our VP of Operations was a bully. He was a high-profile recruit with a costly move, and he also got results in the organization, so the CEO was shy about dealing with the issues that employees, including other executives, raised about him. ”
The CEO might be “timid” there — and your boss might be — but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell them your concerns anyway. Their job is to help you.
Document everything that happens
If your work bully sends you a nasty Slack message or email, take a screenshot and save it somewhere you can find it again, especially if your company doesn’t pay for long-term storage of Slack and email. If they tell you something rude in the hallway, jot down a note on your computer with clear date stamps. If there is a witness, ask him to also make a memo. The more evidence you have of what’s going on, the more efficiently HR can handle the situation – and the less likely the bully is to turn you off when you come forward.
McClure, a bully at her old job, once set a rule for the entire company that no one should be hired without a college degree, she said, making it particularly difficult for her to recruit new talent, she said. She rummaged through company files and found that a significant number of employees, including senior colleagues in leadership positions, did not have a high school diploma.
“I presented this information to him in a personal meeting, but invited my boss to the meeting,” she said. “I have encouraged us not to change our current practice of not requiring a high school education, as the data clearly shows that this is not a determining factor in an employee’s success in a given position. Faced with the data, and in a situation where not only he was against me … he agreed that it would not be a good idea to demand a high school diploma. “
The documentation works regardless of whether it was written by you or your predecessors. Always come to a meeting with HR or your boss with as much concrete evidence of your case as possible.
Don’t let the bully get to you
We know this is easier said than done. If someone constantly undermines you, complicates your job, insults you personally, and / or unfairly criticizes your work, it’s hard not to carry that feeling of depression with you. But try to remember that this person does not know you – the real you – and is completely untrue. As your school teachers always said, someone’s rude behavior says more about them than about you. It was true (but difficult to accept) then, and it is true (but still difficult to accept) now.
You don’t have to walk the road or be a big person, but if the situation seems like it could be beneficial, take action. Show some kindness or try to calmly discuss your concerns one-on-one.
“Try not to take it personally, even if it’s often personal,” McClure said. “While this is not always the case, the behavior of the bullies has to do with what happened to them, with something they are trying to overcome or compensate for, or with something they have learned from someone else.”
She added: “When appropriate and if you are able to do so, offer coaching and advice. If they are not interested in helping or willing to accept coaching, work with your boss directly through coaching to eliminate negative behavior as an aspect of their job. If neither of these two options work, or the boss doesn’t want to get involved, it’s time to make your own decisions. ”
Get out of there
If you’ve filed a complaint with HR and your boss and nothing has changed, that tells you something about the general culture of the place where you work, and it might just be a sign that your current company is not the place for you.
“Good leaders reach out to bully and fix or eliminate them,” McClure said. “Not everyone works for a good leader. But we all have an agency that allows us to use our talents at work / in the company where they exist. Dust off your resume. You deserve to work in a place that doesn’t crush your spirit. And no matter what your abuser says, your skills are worth something – and the other employer will see it.