How to Know That You Are Ready to Take the Place of Your Partner
Living together can be an exciting time for any couple, but it can also turn out to be a disaster. If you’re still on your honeymoon stage, or if you’re just in a real rush to split rent and save money, you can skip this checklist of ways to know you’re ready for this important step. But we will list them for you anyway.
Talk about what’s important, especially finances.
For this article, Lifehacker spoke to Compass licensed real estate seller Chelsea Hale and examined the legal documents of a young woman who currently has a protection order from a partner she has lived with for several years. They both said the same thing: before you even look at a new place, talk. Then let’s talk a little more. In particular, talk about finances and make sure you do it confidentially and in a comfortable environment.
“By the time they meet me, I really don’t want them to decide who pays what,” Hale said. “So, before they come to me, they have to decide, ‘Okay, partner X pays X the amount, and partner Y pays the Y amount.”
Hale said it is imperative that people are honest about their income and come to conclusions about whether they are trying to split rent and utilities 50/50 or split costs in ratios that make more sense depending on which how much they both earn. If one partner makes three times more than the other, it’s not surprising that that partner pays more rent.
If this proposal is controversial, it’s time to seriously consider whether the alliance is a real partnership. Disagreements at the start of a domestic hunt may indicate more serious problems, which are more likely to arise once you get the hang of it.
A young woman with a restraining order, who is due to appear in court later this month in a legal battle over custody of her emotional support animal, agreed, suggesting that lovebirds sharing rent should see their potential cohabitation through a “lens of fairness.” , not through a prism. “Lens of Equality”.
She explained that her partner earns twice as much as she does, but expected her to split the rent almost equally. After she said there were several explosive episodes of domestic violence with this partner, and at some point she even physically attacked her, she announced her decision to move. The partner hired a lawyer to get custody of the emotional support animal and advised the young woman to wait until she was better off financially.
The partner also added that the woman said she should have also “negotiated” most of the rent when they first moved in.
Be realistic and think about how to protect yourself
A young woman with a restraining order, whose name is not named by Lifehacker due to the ongoing litigation, said she did not see any warning signs of her partner’s potential for violent outbreaks or financially damaging retaliation tactics. The person who is going to be a thunderstorm to live with probably won’t do, which is obvious before you actually move in together, so you have to be very confident as to how much your ability is, at least that they are someone with whom you can coexist. Yet this confidence does not always guarantee that you will avoid mines.
Of course, not every partner is a waiting monster. Many people, including your sweetheart, are completely calm and sane, but you still need to think about your needs and an escape plan that I hope you never have to use.
The confined young woman urged all would-be displaced persons to be sure they can still survive on their own before sharing the house and expenses with a partner. Even if you never have to break a lease, move, or determine who gets what household items in a controversial split, it’s nice to know that if you ever had to , you could. Never allow yourself to get stuck in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation just to save money or because you don’t have the resources to get out. If your partner cares about you, they will know if you want to postpone the move until you have accumulated enough money or general confidence to keep you safe and well in case you find yourself alone.
Don’t let concerns about loneliness or temporary living in a less-than-ideal location dissuade you if your living together worsens. The young woman said she postponed breaking up with her partner after the first outbreak of violence because she was worried, “Oh shit, I’m going to have to move home.” Living with your parents or finding multiple roommates is not the end of the world, and certainly not as bad as living in a dangerous or unhappy place.
Hale also noted that when looking for a home, everyone should be honest about their unique needs, “especially given this post-COVID world [in which] many people work in a hybrid office.” Ask yourself, she said, if you need separate offices or personal space. No matter how much you adore someone, you can run into conflict with them if you spend every hour of the day with them, especially when you are trying to work. Protect yourself in the decision-making process, not least because not meeting your needs can ultimately negatively impact the relationship itself. Plus, you are still on your own, even if you are taking an important unifying step with your partner. You still deserve to have your needs met.
Be prepared to compromise
After you’ve identified any red flags and talked about big money, you still have a lot of work to do before ever stepping into a realtor’s office.
“If you both work from home, will it cause a fight?” Hale offered to ask himself. In that case: “It would be better if you sacrifice the neighborhood to have a little more space. The first thing to ask yourself is, “What are the priorities in my lifestyle?” “
By the time you decide to live together, you should be well aware of your partner’s general likes and dislikes. Ideally, you should also have common goals and interests, and even if you do, don’t be surprised to find that you disagree on some basic points when it comes to where you want to live. One of you may prefer a small apartment on a busy city street, while the other may be more inclined to head to the suburbs. Both sides, Hale said, must admit that they will have to compromise on something .
If you both have two very different lifestyles, pause for a minute. Let’s say you really want to live in a bustling urban environment and your partner is unwavering in their commitment, like, Long Island, if you both drift, you might get frustrated, but that might not be the worst case scenario. Sometimes it takes some serious conversation about moving forward to understand why you shouldn’t. If you don’t think you would be happy away from your favorite place, you probably won’t be, and it’s okay to admit. Sometimes you want different things. Do not throw a nuclear bomb on your life and dreams for the sake of someone else’s help, and do not consider it an ordinary “compromise”.
In every part of your relationship, you need to communicate clearly and honestly, while paying special attention to yourself and maintaining union and common goals. If you are skipping this part because your current lease is about to expire, or you want to move into a phase of a relationship that you think is more stable, think again. You have options.
If you are ready – really ready – after all this long conversation and self-reflection, practice compromising and mutual problem solving by agreeing on which realtor to call. Continue. Check it out.