Try “slow Dates” If You’re Tired of Puddle Partners
If you’re used to flipping through a sea of profiles on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, or any of the major dating apps, the process of finding the right match can be tedious. But while instant app confirmation can be reassuring, it might be better to slow down once you meet someone you like.
What is “slow dating”?
This is not a new idea, but the strategy of taking your time during the initial courtship phase is enjoying a resurgence. Slow dating is when two people allow physical intimacy to fade into the background in order to focus on other types of connection.
Expecting sex can smell of a certain puritanical sensibility and probably won’t sound very funny to most Americans, as many couples tend to have sex within the first month of dating in the United States. Some studies do suggest that the pursuit of sexual relationships can nevertheless lead to dissatisfaction. This does not mean that all physical intimacy in the early days of a relationship will be a harbinger of future troubles; Certain aspects of intimacy, such as kissing, hugging, and other expressions of affection, have certainly been shown to improve relationships both emotionally and sexually . But for this, especially in today’s dating environment where there are many apps, many experts recommend slow dating to help people find not only the partner they are looking for, but also answer certain questions about themselves and their dating intentions.
As psychologist Keith Balestrieri told Men’s Health :
At its core, [slow dating] is focusing on meeting fewer people at the same time so you can stay close to them – and more importantly, yourself – and carefully assess the quality of the connection.
Generally speaking, slow dating is an opportunity to take a step back and appreciate your romantic endeavors from a greater height in order to better understand what you need besides sex. Or, as psychologist Sarah Konrath told NBC News in 2018, “It’s based on people’s desire to slow down, get to know each other without too much pressure, and focus on quality connection and intimacy.”
How to slow down a date?
Dating apps can clutter you up profile after profile, so it might be a good idea to restrict your use – for example, swimming via Tinder or Bumble should only be allowed on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Also, let your dates know in advance what you do; There is nothing wrong with honestly abstaining from sex – in fact, your dates will undoubtedly appreciate your sincerity.
Plus, you’re dating, so don’t be afraid to spread the web. This means that you can freely meet with several people at the same time. This is what dating coach Jess McCann told Ask Men , saying:
I recommend filling your funnel with three or four leads early on … as long as you are awake with none of these leads, you can slowly date all of them.
Of course, don’t be surprised if some of the people you want to slow down your date will feel differently than you about immediate intimacy. However, you can be rewarded if you find someone who wants the same emotional connection as you, before physical intimacy occurs.