The Best Way to Deal With an Untrustworthy Friend

Most people have at least one unreliable person in their lives, be they a friend, family member, or coworker. These are people who promise to come to something, only to be forgotten or canceled at the last moment. There are a number of reasons why people are unreliable, but the most common one seems to be that most of them have a hard time saying no .

They may have the best intentions when they say yes, or they may feel uncomfortable saying no, but the result is the same: they agree to something but get lost at the last minute.

Weakness has a number of underlying causes.

People are unreliable for a variety of reasons . Some people are unreliable because they simply don’t respect your time; some because of genuine personal concerns, such as a family emergency or other stressors; others because they are absent-minded or poorly assessing how much they can actually do.

These reasons do not justify their unreliability, but they do explain it, and for some of these basic reasons, if there are no other warning signs, you can relax a little.

For example, if a friend is going through an embarrassing divorce or marital crisis, it is understandable that he may be a little unreliable for a while. If they tend to be a little distracted and forgetful, and they are consistent in their insecurities, then you may have to admit that this is part of who they are. If a friend can accept you, all the faults and all that, then you can also accept them, nonsense and all that.

Are they there when it matters?

My personal measure of whether I have an unreliable person in my life is whether they were by my side at a time when it matters. If they can be counted so that they appear at milestones, emergencies, or other important life events, then I am willing to accept some insecurity. I don’t like it when they get mad at me, and of course I am not going to make any plans that would depend on their appearance when they say they will appear, but I still consider them friends.

For untrustworthy friends who are willing to help you when it matters, you should give them the opportunity to say no. To do this, just remember some situations in which it can be especially difficult to say no, and how you can support them so that they learn to refuse an invitation.

Don’t put people in a quandary

Some people find it difficult to look at them with an implicit expectation that they will say “yes” to the invitation (even if this expectation is more their perception than reality).

We’ve all been to those work meetings where your boss and coworkers look at you, expecting you to go along with what you know is a dumpster fire, or when you’re out with a group of friends and everyone else. all of a sudden, everyone is making plans for a last minute trip when all you need to do is go home and sleep. This situation is uncomfortable, whoever you are, but for people who find it harder to say no, this is an especially hellish trap. If you know your friend has a tendency to say yes in these situations and then passes out, advise him to take some time before answering.

Give them time and space to say no

We are all guilty from time to time for forcing others to do something, whether it’s agreeing to take care of your cats on the weekend, visiting a new restaurant you’ve long wanted to try, or any other number of commitments. that while it may be an important priority for you, it may not be practical or convenient for your friend. They may have other weekend plans, cash shortages, or any other reason that has nothing to do with you.

If you are making your request expecting an immediate response, remember that this puts additional pressure on them. Give them time and space so they can provide an answer that works for them. And of course, if they say no, respect their answer.

If something really matters to you, let them know.

Certain events, such as a wedding or a big celebration, are definitely important. Others may be more of a gray area. If something really matters to you, let your friend know. A good friend will do his best to show up for you at important times, even if he may be a little late.

Hopefully our friends will learn to say no, even in awkward or awkward situations. The good news is that people tend to become less nervous as they age , so there is every chance that your friend will become more reliable over time. Until then, it’s good to remember that everyone sometimes has commitment issues, and some people struggle more than others.

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