How to Detoxify Kids From Their Screens
When the pandemic struck last year, the first thing many parents did was abandon established rules regarding screen time. This is not because the pandemic has made us lazy parents; this is because many of us suddenly needed to work in the same premises where our children studied, played and argued with each other. Their sports, clubs, and extracurricular activities were canceled, and we didn’t yet know how the virus had spread at all, let alone how to safely get our kids and friends together for socially distant outdoor play. Therefore, for many of our children, tablets and smartphones have become their salvation for friends – one of the few ways to connect to the outside world that the pandemic did not take away. We let them log in, and before we knew it, the extra screen time turned into too much screen time and they developed bad habits.
I knew for some time that my 10-year-old’s screen time was out of control and decided that summer vacation, with its pleasant weather and camp facilities, was the perfect time to transition to a more limited, behind-screen lifestyle. But I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it without making it seem punitive, so I turned to child psychiatrist Dr. Helen Egger for advice on where to start and how to develop new, healthier screen-watching habits.
First, forgive yourself.
For the most part, I have been trying to justify my own parenting for the past 15 months. I believe every word, and yet we know that excessive screen time is bad for our kids. But the first thing Egger, co-founder and chief physician of Little Otter , a mental health service for children, told me, was that parents need to forgive themselves.
“The first thing to do is give yourself a break, and every parent needs to do that,” Egger says. “It was such a difficult time with so many casualties … and I think we have to admit that this pandemic is an emergency and a trauma for everyone.”
So, hey, we survived the pandemic, and maybe our kids are sitting too much on their screens right now, but this is something we can fix – and they will be fine.
Dopamine makes them want more
What makes kids’ addiction to screens so widespread is the physiological response they experience when using them. Undoubtedly, the fact is that using the device naturally becomes a habit over time – think about reaching for your cell phone a second after turning off the alarm in the morning. But that’s not all.
Video games and apps “are designed to stay on their platform,” says Egger. “They stimulate the part of our brain that produces dopamine, which is the reward system; they call dopamine the “feel-good neurotransmitter.” Therefore, it is important to understand that this is a kind of habit with which it is difficult to break the vicious circle, because it not only provides something socially positive, but also that screen time and games make your brain want more. “
It’s not too bad, but when it becomes difficult to control or interfere with other activities they once enjoyed, such as sports, independent play, arts and crafts, or family, it’s time to get it right.
Assess their actual use of screen time – and your own
You may feel like your child has increased screen usage during the pandemic, but if they are old enough to access these devices without your help, you may not have a complete picture of how and when they dive. … Begin to notice when they log in, especially if there are times when it is more problematic than others.
While you’re at it, Egger says it would be a good idea to take stock of your own screen usage, which has probably also increased over the past year. You can talk all you want about shrinking screen time, but if you also check your work email at the dinner table, you’re sending a conflicting message. Chances are, we can all find ways to reduce the amount of time per day that our eyes glue to the screen.
If you’re unsure of where to start, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has a media usage calculator that you can use to enter all the ways they (and any family member) spend hours throughout the day, from sleep. meal times, housework, physical activity, time with family and, yes, screen time. You can fill in this field to help them visualize how disproportionate their screen usage is compared to other activities.
Once you are more comfortable with the family screen, you can use this information to look for areas you can work in to form new habits. For example, maybe they woke up and immediately turned on their iPad or grabbed a video game controller because they didn’t have to join their teacher’s Zoom call yet – but now they have summer camp to prepare for. the morning they look forward to, and this might be a natural time to move away from the automatic jump across the screen.
Create a family media plan
Now that you’ve forgiven yourself for all the sins associated with screens, realized the role that dopamine plays, and realized how important these screens are in your life, it’s time for everyone to talk about what to do next. Assuming they are old enough to understand, it might start by admitting to them how we got here.
Children who are old enough to have access to these devices on their own are also old enough to understand that we have just experienced a hell of a year, and that for a while life had to change accordingly – but now we are in a situation, when everyone reopens and it is important to engage in other physical and social activities that are important to them. They may have their own thoughts on what activities they want to do in the first place this summer, and you can discuss how to implement them.
To do this, you can create a family media plan together. AAP has a tool for this that we wrote about earlier . This can help you decide together as a family, how you will determine the times and zones without a screen in the house, how you will balance online and offline, and what kind of media “manners” you will each follow.
In other words, don’t just throw the hammer and announce that they will only be allowed one hour of screen time a day after 15 consecutive months or more. This is not a punishment; it is a reorganization of priorities because we can finally reorganize them.
“It’s not about wasting anything, like wasting time on the screen,” Egger says. “It’s very important to frame this around the fact that we can return what we love and try to [talk about it] in a positive way.”
Egger also notes that all screen time should not look like every family member is secluded in their own corners; you can also use it to create family bonds by asking them to show you how they play a game they love, or by watching a TV show you all love together.