How to Talk to Other Parents
I grew up in a rural Michigan town with several relatives who are avid hunters and therefore had guns in their homes. (On one occasion, these pistols were likely hidden in random ceiling tiles and hollowed-out books, in preparation for an imaginary future government raid.) Today I live in Flint, Michigan, a city with severe firearm problems.
Like many children in schools around the country, I participated in mass shooting exercises and understood the difference between guns and violence in films or video games and guns and violence in real life. And yet, since I am not a gun owner myself, the importance of having an in-depth conversation with my children about gun safety was a blind spot for me, which became apparent earlier this spring.
My seven-year-old daughter is friends with a neighbor’s girl of about the same age. Relationships were critical to the emotional well-being of both children throughout the pandemic, as they could see each other safely and regularly play outside in our yards, even when they were unable to socialize with friends at school. … We also have a fairly strict no-interference policy in both houses: one child or the other rushes excitedly to knock on the door or window to ask to play.
That day, my daughter followed her usual routine: she ran, knocked, and burst through the front door while her friend’s father was cleaning an unloaded gun. It was a harmless situation, but my daughter had never seen a real gun before, so she was scared for a moment.
Luckily, my neighbor and his wife did a great job in explaining to her why the pistol was removed, letting her know that if she ever saw a pistol in any home that should not be touched or played with, and promptly informed me about what happened. This led to a good conversation, during which I was free to ask questions about how their weapons are protected, which, in hindsight, I should probably have asked earlier.
Fortunately, there are also some resources and tips to help you better prepare non-gun owners for these conversations in a more proactive way.
Get over the awkwardness
In our current political climate, few issues have as much political implications as gun rights. And, as with many controversial issues, people can avoid discussing the topic entirely in order to avoid confrontation or controversy.
One thing I learned as a kid with family members who hunted is that often just because someone owns a gun does not mean they are a die-hard NRA anti-regulation enthusiast who envisions an armed vigilante holding back crime. on every street in America. … Reasonable conversations are possible even between people who are gun enthusiasts and massive pacifists who will never own them.
Research also supports the fact that gun owners and non-gun owners actually have a closer view than you might expect when it comes to things like gun safety and regulation. A 2018 opinion poll by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found broad agreement between groups when it came to politics – with minimal differences in support between the two groups for things like background checks, banning people with restraining orders for people with domestic violence to have a pistol and other widely discussed common sense policies.
Realizing that you can often find common ground, even on controversial topics, can make starting such a conversation less awkward.
Ask the right questions
For me, the awkwardness of discussing gun ownership with my parents, whom I am friends with, but do not know very well, was not a problem. The big sticking point was not knowing the right questions. Fortunately, SafeKids.org has an excellent list of gun safety tips that can serve as a guide for parents who aren’t aware of proper gun safety and storage to even begin to question it. Some key questions may include:
- How and where are weapons stored and how are they guarded?
- Do you have a loaded gun at home?
- Ammunition stored separately?
- Are the pistol locks child-proof?
- When the gun runs out, is it always in your immediate possession?
- What conversations about weapons have you had with your child or children? Do they understand that they cannot touch, access, or use them without your supervision?
There are also good tips on how to talk to children about guns in other homes. These conversations include making sure that in real life, guns hurt and kill people, as opposed to what they might see on TV or in games. Children should also understand that if they find a gun, they should not touch it and should inform adults immediately.
Project Child Safe also offers an online quiz that can help with some guiding questions and resources for parents .
Know where the resources are in your community
Most communities have resources to help with gun safety. Law enforcement agencies in my area regularly distribute free gun locks to keep children safe. Project Child Safe also offers to send in free safety kits, which include a pistol lock and safety instructions. The Project Child Safe website is a great resource to point out to other parents if in the course of a conversation you find they are not as safe as you would expect with the weapons they have. If they’re willing to find better storage and security practices, this is a great starting point. If not … that’s a whole different story.
I also tried to educate my children about the harm that gun violence is doing to our community. Flint, like many communities across the country that fight gun violence, often holds rallies, pickets and other events to commemorate the people who have died as a result of the use of weapons. These events typically feature influential speakers and storytelling, as well as communities, activists, and faith-based organizations that offer gun safety information, violence prevention information, and other advice. Attending some of these vigils was a good way for my children to really see the seriousness of the problem.
Understand the consequences of avoiding the topic
According to a 2020 study by Seattle Children’s Hospital and the University of Washington , up to 40 percent of gun owners may not properly secure their guns, and up to 39 percent keep a loaded firearm in their homes. UC-Davis research also indicates that gun ownership increased during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Project Child Safe also provides information on the often tragic connection between adolescent psychological struggles and access to firearms. This struggle for mental health among children only intensified during the pandemic.
Weapons are just prevalent in American homes. Even if parents who own a firearm do not claim ownership of a firearm, do not ask them tough questions about how they store and protect it. In fact, it is a responsibility. This topic is vital for the protection of children and should not be taboo for parents.