An Age-Appropriate Guide to Talking With Children About Divorce
There is no shortage of difficult and even painful conversations that we may need with our children throughout their childhood. But telling them that their parents are getting divorced, forever changing the very structure of their family and their lives, must be one of the most difficult tasks. Depending on their age, the messaging in these conversations will evolve and the behavior they may exhibit indicating that they are in distress will look different.
But Dr. Joanna Stern, senior clinical psychologist at the Institute of Childhood Mind , says that while the way you talk to children about divorce will change and become more detailed as they get older, all children should feel or hear confidence that that they will be cared for and supported during and after the process.
“What they really want to say to kids of all ages is, ‘We got you,’” Stearns says. “” Your needs will be taken care of no matter what happens to us and the divorce. ”
And it’s just as important, Stern says, to remember what you can’t say, namely, not to scold the other parent, even subtly and even with the smallest children.
So let’s start with babies and toddlers.