Ask Yourself These Questions When You Are in a Difficult Situation.
Despite our best efforts, most of us from time to time find ourselves in situations (some people more often than others) that require us to make tough, unpleasant decisions. Maybe there is no single “right” answer, or it’s a losing situation. It may be due to a person or scenario that not only makes you anxious, but also causes you active fear or fear.
Everyone has their own strategies for dealing with these decisions when they are forced to make them. Some of these include sitting in a dark corner, eating salt covered with a weighted blanket, or simply ignoring the problem in the hope that it will magically disappear.
But Katherine Andrews – life coach, teacher and author of the Sunday Soother newsletter – takes a different approach: asking herself a specific set of questions. Here’s what you need to know.
Why Questions Can Help
In the April 26, 2021 newsletter , Andrews shares his method for making difficult decisions using a standard checklist (we’ll get to them in a minute) to help her figure out what to do when she’s feeling stuck. Here’s Andrews :
I think a lot of people enjoy my job and my coaching because I ask really good questions. I heard the concept of asking quality questions for quality answers a long time ago (whatever that means), and I used to dismiss it as self-help nonsense, but in the course of my work with myself and others, I’ve found that honestly it is.
So whenever I face unpleasant or frightening situations, or when I find myself trapped in a fit of fear or shame and a loop that threatens to take over, or indeed, at any time, I come back to this list of questions to remind myself, again and again. again, that if I ask the right questions, I will find the right answers.
Questions to ask yourself when faced with a difficult decision or situation
Of course, not every approach works for everyone, but it’s worth a try. So, without further ado, the questions:
- Am I trying to read the thoughts of someone’s intentions in this situation?
- How can I give myself what I hope another person will give me?
- Is this thought due to shame or fear? What thought might arise from self-compassion or hope?
- Can I name three things that I need right now?
- Can I name three things that I can give up right now?
- Can I think of a way to make this task easier for myself by 5%?
- Which answer seems to me the easiest?
- What if what I thought was right was right?
- Who might benefit from the way I think or feel right now?
- Is there a way to benefit or protect yourself from continuing to believe or act in this way?
- Where does this situation reflect some kind of inner pain and how can I fix it?
- Where do I feel it in my body? What does this feeling tell me?
- If no one was watching and judging me, what decision would I make?
- What would you advise me to do 5 years in the future?
- What would trust look like?
- Will this decision make my life bigger or smaller?
- It’s true? (hat tip to the great Byron Cathy)
- I want to keep thinking about it? Why or why not?
No, the “right decision” will not come to you suddenly in a vision after answering the last question on the list. But, says Andrews, this exercise can help, “because sometimes, to rethink a situation that seems hopeless, simply rethinking the right question can get you moving again.”