How to Forget What You Don’t Want to Remember
Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly trying to influence our future memories. It could be something as simple as leaving yourself a note or to-do list for tomorrow, or taking the time to get our phones out to capture a particularly vivid sunset.
But that’s not all we can do, according to Dr. Michael Anderson , professor of cognitive neuroscience at Cambridge University who studies memory. In a recent interview with The New York Times, Anderson explains that in addition to identifying the memories to be retained, we also have some degree of control over what we forget. Here’s how it works and how to try it.
How memories work
Our memories are shaped by what cognitive scientists like Anderson call “retrieval clues” —the sensory cues we have that connect us to a previous moment, event, or experience in our life. These can be things like reminiscing about a certain vacation every time you smell a coconut, or thinking about your ex when you hear a certain song. So yes: something like what we call “triggers,” except that it doesn’t always bother.
How to forget something
As you probably guessed by now, simply avoiding certain clues or triggers for a search is not very effective, especially since you never know when you will come across them. Instead, Anderson recommends a technique he calls “motivated forgetting.” Instead of avoiding clues, he suggests adapting to them better – that way you can change the way your brain reacts to them.
From here, you have two options. The first is called thought substitution. Here’s how it works, from the Times article :
If you have had a violent argument with your sister and think about it every time you see her, try to focus on other, more positive associations. Exercise until your brain sees her face and pops up with the best memories in the first place, not the battle.
Another technique is called “direct suppression,” which Anderson describes as: “You just raise your mental hand and say,” No, I don’t want to think about it. “
Is everyone able to control what he forgets?
Unfortunately, not everyone has the same ability to intentionally forget something or someone, according to the Times . This makes sense in the context of PTSD, in which the person would like to be able to forget something, but instead are tormented by disturbing thoughts and images associated with a previous traumatic event. And, unsurprisingly, being under intense stress and / or lack of sleep makes motivational forgetting much more difficult.
So, if you can’t completely get rid of disturbing memories, why bother with motivational forgetting at all? It all boils down to being able to limit the extent of intrusion and, in turn, the negative effects of those unwanted memories, Anderson says.