How Can I Help My Child With Autism Make Friends?
Helping your child make friends in a new city during a pandemic will be challenging for any parent. But for parents of children with autism, this is likely to be even more difficult. Masks and social distancing are still required of us and our children, coupled with a lack of structured friend-making activities and a child’s own struggle to master certain social skills: these must be overcome.
One such parent recently wrote to Parental Advisory asking for help in this particular situation. Here is her question:
I am a single mother of an eight year old boy with autism. Although he is very high on the autism spectrum, it is still difficult for us to find other children of his age, particularly to play.
When we visit local parks, other children are not old enough to understand the special needs and attention that Ethan needs. It goes without saying that Ethan lacks a complete understanding of his special needs. For example, when he approaches others and wants to play with them, he does not understand why they do not immediately react the way he wants and gets upset. As I mentioned, Ethan is extremely high on the spectrum, and just by watching him, no one will ever know that he is slightly different. Ironically, this complicates the task.
In any case, due to the recent move, we are unable to attend our usual game dates, family and friends. Any feedback and / or advice you might have would be grateful.
Being an eight-year-old in the city can be difficult under any circumstance, but especially with Ethan. I can understand his frustration as he tries to adjust to a new area and make new friends, especially when certain services or potential activities may be limited right now. To find solutions for both of you, I reached out to clinical psychologist Dr. Cynthia Martin of the Child Mind Institute’s Autism Center and asked her to contribute.
Look for a group of social skills
As you know, forging and forging bonds with other children and parents will be key for you and Ethan. This usually starts to happen naturally when he goes to school and you work with his District Special Education Coordinator or his Individualized Education Program (IEP) leader. However, it may be more difficult now if he is still studying partly or fully at home. So Martin invites you to start looking for a local social skills group to join.
The community-based social skills group helps children with autism (rather than autism) get to know other children who also need to develop and develop skills that help them develop social relationships. This includes working on things like flexibility in interactions, understanding the necessary reciprocity with others (and that things won’t always go the way you want them to), and managing the unpredictability of how a colleague might behave.
“There is a lot of unpredictability in social relationships and this is a difficult aspect for children with autism; even if it is very mild and they function well, this unpredictability of peers can be difficult for children with autism, ”says Martin. “So finding a personal group of social skills in a community is a great way to meet other kids and other families that can go really well with this particular child.”
There are several places where these groups can be found. You can start by researching local university health centers and children’s hospitals. These centers are likely to have a neurodevelopment, autism, ADHD, or behavioral disorder clinic, Martin says, with social skills groups working as part of their program (or that are associated with such a program). These programs, which are usually weekly, also have a parenting component that can help you learn to better support your child’s social interactions.
You can also find your local autism resource center or other community groups that provide fun social groups for children with autism. In addition, there may be local private providers who organize permanent social groups, and the school itself can manage such groups.
Help them develop their interests
Another great way to help Ethan develop friendships is to involve him in a structured group or activity he’s already interested in, be it Minecraft, graphic novels, LEGO construction, or baseball. Having common interests creates a foundation on which friendship can be built. You can find these groups at school or in your local library – and if the groups are of different ages, Martin says, so much the better. Many children with autism are socially motivated, but they struggle with the need for flexibility and understanding when interacting with their peers.
“Sometimes juxtaposing them with children who are a little older or a little younger ultimately makes the interaction more successful because younger children are more likely to follow the older child’s ideas,” Martin says. “And older children can better understand childhood differences.”
For example, if a 12-year-old child plays with an 8-year-old who says or does something that seems socially naive or immature, the older child is more likely to attribute that behavior to the younger child’s age, rather than an underlying difference in nervous system development.
Again, these opportunities may be limited right now, so it will be important to get creative and try to find similar opportunities online. In particular, look for local groups that come together virtually because of common interests, so that when something does open up you have a bond that can develop further in person.
Join Local Facebook Groups
It might seem a bit cliché to recommend a Facebook group as a Facebook group exists for pretty much everything, but it can be a vital step towards connecting with local parents who have special needs children and finding helpful resources like groups. social skills.
“These are great resources to find out what’s available in your community because some of these things – especially more local social groups – may not be advertised,” Martin says.
Within a group, you can try using the search function to find what you are looking for, or ask the group your specific question. Word of mouth in such circumstances is invaluable.
You can also visit the Institute of the Child’s Mind Guide on Autism Spectrum Disorders for more articles, advice and information for parents of children with autism.
Is there a parenting dilemma you are struggling with? Send your questions to mwalbert@lifehacker.com with “Parental Advice” in the subject line.