What to Do If Your Child Fails the Test
As our kids begin to wrap up this hellish school year over the pandemic, they will likely have some final exams in the coming weeks. While it would be great for them to pass all grades and individual tests, in reality they may have difficulties – whether it be anxiety, poor study habits, or the desire to gain enthusiasm to take an interest in algebra. And this fight can lead to several bad grades.
If your child’s report card is flavored with the letters D and F, when you were expecting something closer to the beginning of the alphabet, the first thing you should do is not overreact . As Christina Margolis writes for PopSugar :
Whether it’s the popular math quiz or the big history exam, it’s never fun when your kid brings home a bad grade. While you may feel angry, frustrated, frustrated, or all of the above about your child’s test results, they also likely have these feelings, plus anxiety about having to tell you about it (most schools require a parent’s signature on the failed test). test). As a parent, you may not know how best to deal with the situation, but the most important thing to remember is not to overreact.
In a similar vein, a “letter” from the headmaster is circulating on Reddit to remind parents that bad grades happen, and yelling about it or shaming kids about it is not the best option. This letter, which was allegedly sent by a Singaporean headmaster (although one commenter said the last time he saw it sent, it was allegedly from a Canadian headmaster) reads :
Dear Parents,
Your kids’ exams are about to begin. I know that you all really want your child to succeed. But please remember, among the students who will take exams there is an artist who does not need to understand mathematics … There is an entrepreneur who does not care about history or English literature … There is a musician whose chemistry grades do not matter .. There is an athlete … whose physical fitness is more important than physics … If your child gets top marks, that’s great! But if he or she doesn’t … please don’t take away their confidence and dignity. Tell them everything is ok, this is just an exam! They are made for more serious things in life. Tell them no matter what they beat … you love them and will not judge them.
I disagree with all the specifics (an artist really needs to be good at math if he wants to make money from his art and / or act like a person in the world) and I don’t know if the author is actually a leader. But the general mood is a good reminder, especially during these stressful times when we are already worried that our children may be falling behind in school. Here’s what you can do instead:
Be interested in the estimate
If a child comes home with a poor or nearly poor grade, especially if it is a subject in which he usually does well, it is useless to react with anger or frustration. This will likely only make your child feel worse than they already feel, unless it makes them try to hide it from you next time. Instead, approach the situation with curiosity.
Ask them if they know what could have resulted in a low score. Didn’t they feel good that day? Did something distract them? Did they forget to study? Did they study the wrong material? Are they just fundamentally ignorant of the issues? If they don’t have an explanation either, you can ask their teacher, who probably has some idea of what happened that day, or if the student is having difficulty in a particular subject or block.
Once you know why , you can:
Make a plan
If the unsatisfactory grade was situational (say, your child was absent from school and was not in the course, or there was something distracting in the class that day), the teacher may allow him to retake the test. Otherwise, you – and your child – needn’t worry. A few bad ratings are unlikely to haunt us for the rest of our lives.
If, instead, the problem goes a little deeper – now you realize that they are really struggling to do their math, or this is just another bad grade in a long line of bad grades – it’s time to figure out how best to support them. They may find a tutor to be helpful, or they may need help developing their studies. A drop in academic performance can also be a sign that they are struggling in other ways , such as with anxiety or depression, so if this becomes a new pattern it is important to consider whether you have noticed other changes in their mood or behavior.
Don’t compare them to others.
Whatever the reason, one of the most useless things you can do is to negatively compare them to others, especially a brother or sister, but also to any other student or peer. Saying that they should try their best like their brother is not a motivating feeling for a child and is likely to backfire – undermine their self-esteem. Each child learns in different ways and has different strengths and weaknesses; comparing their abilities or work with another child will only further undermine their confidence.
Instead, think of failure as an opportunity to focus on those strengths and weaknesses to help them in the best possible way. And remind them that while failure is rarely enjoyable, it can also be an opportunity to learn and improve next time.