How to Set Healthy Boundaries, With Nedra Glover Tavwab Therapist
This week we are learning to recognize and reinforce our boundaries with the help of Nedra therapist and relationship expert Glover Tawwab. Nedra is the author of the New York Times bestselling book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Rebuilding Yourself . Hear Nedra’s advice on how to approach difficult borderline conversations, how to stand firm in them even when you feel bad, and how to help yourself and our loved ones get out of codependent relationships.
Also, stay tuned for a special farewell snippet for Alice, who is leaving Lifehacker and The Upgrade this week. We will miss her so much!
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Highlights from this week’s series
From an interview with Nedra Glover Tavwab:
On why you shouldn’t feel guilty about setting boundaries:
This does not always let someone down so much, but it can bring them closer together, because sometimes, when we have unhealthy boundaries, we begin to avoid people. We start to place them in a space where I don’t want this person to be around, not answering their phone calls and the like. When we start to set boundaries, we can begin to see some changes in their behavior, in relationships, and we are more open to be more connected with them. So it’s not always awkward. This could be a situation where they get close.
On why you should be careful not to set too many strict boundaries:
I think with hard boundaries sometimes you have all of these rules, like, “I don’t do this to people. I just do this. People cannot do this to me. Things are like that … ”And you think it keeps you safe. But it also keeps you in a bubble and people away from you. And it’s perfectly okay to have different boundaries for different people, because maybe some people don’t even need the same boundaries. Or maybe you want to be more flexible with this border. But if you have these hard-and-fast rules of never saying yes to certain things or never trying certain things, it can be very difficult to be open to new experiences or even learn the things that bring you pleasure in the relationship you are about. did not even think. …
How to start understanding what your own boundaries might be:
I think vague resentment is a great place to start because it feels … just noticing what you are feeling. So, whether you are angry or upset, you are frustrated. You say something like “Why would they …?” All of this can be the potential for a new frontier. Don’t let these things slip and give them one more opportunity. It looks like there is something you prefer instead of what happened. So find out what this thing is.
For more advice from Nedra, we recommend listening to the entire episode.
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