How to Make Yourself a Piece of Shit
Look, sometimes you don’t have time to wait. Whether you want to poop now to make sure you don’t turn up later, or you just need a little relief, here are a few tricks that can help.
Have a hot drink
Coffee is known for its effects on the gut, but it may not actually be caffeine. Any warm or hot liquid can have a similar effect. So grab a cup of tea or hot chocolate if you’re not a coffee lover.
There is something
Every time you eat, a chain reaction occurs in the intestines. Your stomach makes room for incoming food, emptying what it can into the small intestine, and the small intestine emptying everything it can into the large intestine, and so on.
If you’ve ever potty training or crate training your dog, you know that you can usually expect to have a bowel movement 30 minutes or so after eating. You can apply this knowledge to yourself.
The exercise
Exercise speeds up the passage of food through the intestines. The longer digested food stays in the intestines, the harder and drier it becomes, so faster movement means it is more likely to be soft by the time it is ready to go.
Any movement can help, but aerobic exercise such as jogging or cycling is often recommended. Bouncing movements from dance workouts or high impact workouts can also help. Unfortunately, there is no evidence that certain yoga postures, even those advertised as helping “digestion”, can have this effect.
Drink water
Your intestines work best when you are hydrated enough, so make sure you drink enough water. ( If you’re not thirsty, you’re probably fine , but an extra glass or two won’t hurt.)
Have some fiber
The fiber found in plant foods, including whole grains and vegetables, speeds up the digestive system. Meanwhile, the faeces will be softer and easier to pass. This is because fiber absorbs water, so make sure you drink plenty of water when you increase your fiber intake.
Fiber won’t give you a poop instantly, but if you increase your fiber intake now, you’ll start to see the effect in a day or two. There are fiber supplements, such as metamucil, that you mix with water, or you can simply eat fiber-rich foods like beans, oatmeal, other whole grains, and most fruits and vegetables are high in them.
Fiber is listed on food labels (it’s a type of carbohydrate), so start reading labels and aim for 25 to 30 grams per day.
Change position
The squatting position is sometimes more conducive to pooping than sitting on the toilet, as if it were a dining room chair. Place your feet on the footrest or just move a little (lean forward, lean back) to find the position that works best for you.
Talk to your provider
There are also medical solutions, including various types of laxatives and stool softeners, that can be purchased without a prescription. If you have problems with poop on a regular basis, including if it is always hard and bumpy, or if you have fewer than three bowel movements per week, you may need to seek medical attention.