Ask New Parents If They Are Ready to Visit
Welcoming a new baby into your life can be a wonderful and joyful time; it can also be damn tedious and overwhelming. Especially if this is your first child, it is difficult to predict how you will feel right after that – and whether you will need visitors around (if at all) in those early days. You can imagine that they will want to be surrounded by family and friends, showing off this cute little girl; but a particularly difficult labor, fluctuations in hormones, or just general exhaustion to the bones can make them suddenly want to barricade all entry points into their home.
Postpartum visits have already been (or should have been) much more limited during the pandemic. Hospitals often limit the number of visitors allowed, and even when everyone is at home, families have to compare the safety concerns of the coronavirus with the desire of new grandparents to meet their grandson. But pandemic or not, before you rush to meet your new grandfather, niece, nephew, or best friend’s child, consider that the new parents might not like it. Ask if they want visitors and be prepared to provide them with space if they don’t.
Reddit user u / MrGummySlut argues that a week – or more – of no visitors after the baby is born should be normalized:
One of the most stressful and overwhelming things about having a baby is trying to make other people happy, but taking care of your loved ones and yourself is all that really matters.
Seriously, everyone. I am very depressed and even feel a little guilty that literally no one has been invited to meet with our four-day-old daughter yet, but guess what: I DON’T CARE.
The first week is critical for family cohesion and adaptation to new norms of life. Eligible grandparents and family members can politely fuck off; you will meet the child when we are ready.
All people are different and many people love the revolving door of help and adoration in those early days, but many others would really prefer you to “politely fuck off,” as MrGummySlut points out. So what should be normalized is not to assume one way or another, but to ask instead. Bonus points will be awarded to those who suggest the phrase: “Let me know when you are ready to receive visitors!”
Especially right now, when young parents may want to severely limit the number of visitors to their hospital room or home – as well as how long and under what conditions – be prepared not to be welcomed right away. And if they allow you to visit, don’t stay too long or too late, and do something helpful for the new parents while you’re there. The less impressed they are, and the more about your support, the better (and the more likely you will be invited again).