How to Help Your Teen
The pandemic began about a year later, and almost everyone had a hard time. From toddlers who can’t relate to their little toddler friends, to seniors who haven’t hugged a single family member in a year, each of us has suffered negative impacts, regardless of our age, occupation, or financial situation. However, in particular, with children, there is one group that is not given due attention in all this – these are our teenagers.
As a parent of a teenager, I have said many times since this fiasco began that I feel lucky (“lucky” is freely defined here), that if my child has to survive a pandemic, it will happen until he is 10 years old. Parents of newborns and toddlers spent their traditionally isolated parenting times even more isolated. And parents of young children didn’t have time to think about their isolation because they controlled every aspect of virtual learning, from fixing technical problems to simply keeping them in their damn places.
(Plus, not a child, not ever, as excited to go to school as they are when they are a brand new kindergarten teacher, but what they experienced as educators this year was not something to be worried.)
At the other end of the spectrum of childhood are our teens, who are missing out on everything that makes these last couple of high school years so special. You can’t get back all those soccer games against a rival high school, Friday night bonfires, constantly hanging out in someone’s basement, part-time work, at Homecomings and balls-and-gradings in person.
In comparison, teens and their parents may feel that they find it easier. And in many ways they do it. They are old enough to manage their virtual learning. My son completes his work on his own, and I do not need to double-check everything to the last (except for the extremely important question: did you attend class?). And he still has a few normal years ahead of him to play sports, join clubs, hang out with friends and create childhood memories after the pandemic.
But it’s not a competition over who’s hardest, and the truth is that even without a pandemic, adolescence – between nine and twelve years old, give or take – is a critical time for our kids’ development. Their bodies change, their hormones change, they can start to drift a little away from us, sometimes they can get darker or quarrel with friends. Throw in the months and months of a pandemic, and it’s hard to tell where typical new teen behavior ends and anxiety or depression begins.
So, I spoke to Dr. Jill Emanuel , senior director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Institute of the Child’s Mind , about what parents of teenagers should watch out for and focus on right now.
Realize what a critical time now is for them.
First, Emanuel says, parents need to remember how important socialization is for preschool children.
“This is a critical developmental stage in which they move from childhood to adolescence,” she says. “And so much is happening in these few short years, both hormoneally and physically and emotionally. And in many respects this is for the first time connected with the expansion of social relations regardless of parents. “
Since developing and maintaining these social relationships is now much more difficult, parents should check with their children how they are feeling. Talk about whether they feel they have enough time with their friends, and discuss other ways that they can safely communicate with them until things are back to normal. Putting on masks and throwing a ball in the street, or riding a bike with a friend they haven’t seen for weeks or months can help develop a bit of the independence they crave.
Watch out for warning signs
Especially as children enter late and early adolescence, Emanuele said, mental disorders can begin to manifest. Thus, they may be at an age where they are already more prone to anxiety or depression, which could be exacerbated by a pandemic.
And although we are focused on the fact that the pandemic affects the mental health of all of us, Emanuele indicates that if our children are struggling from – for a pandemic is less important than the recognition that they are struggling.
“It is difficult to determine what is caused only by a pandemic and what is not related to a pandemic,” she says. “But really, if your child [does not] behave as usual, then something is wrong and you should pay attention to it.”
This means a loss of interest in activities they used to love, a change in personality or moodiness that lasts for a significant amount of time.
“Teenagers will be capricious to some extent; so having moodiness for a short period of time – a couple of days in a row or some mood swings – is not really a sign that something is wrong, says Emanuele. “What you are looking for is if your child has had mood swings or bad moods for about two weeks.”
Plus, she says, if they talk about sadness, their grades drop, you notice that they don’t interact with friends on social media that much, they isolate more, or there are changes in appetite or sleep, they may show signs of depression. Anxiety can manifest itself as an increase in anxiety, regardless of whether they talk more often about things they are worried about, or ask questions or express fears more than before.
“Are there any changes in the way they function in the world?” she asks. “Are there any violations that last longer than a few days or more than a week? If so, you should pay attention to this. “
Spend time with them
Not every problem can be solved with a little time, but in this case it can help more than you might imagine. Considering how long we’ve been at home all these months, you might feel like the last thing you need is some extra time with someone living within your four walls. But if you don’t actually interact with your kids one-on-one throughout the day, prioritizing it can have a positive effect.
“When parents think about spending time, they often think it must be a lot of time, but it’s not,” she says. “Fifteen minutes a day can make a huge difference in your relationship with your child. Even if you sit together and watch TV, or everyone is eating together, or taking time to talk or take a walk, it helps you and helps them . “