Do This Instead of Sending Angry Text or Email
There is a rule of thumb for sending text messages or emails when you are angry, and it goes something like this: Don’t send text messages or emails when you are angry.
Instead of releasing a message that clearly shows how upset you are, take a deep breath and keep reading. There are many ways to take a step back and figure out how to approach a maddening situation so that it doesn’t sound like you’re yelling at someone from the other side of your monitor or mobile device.
The tone of the letter is difficult to determine
Our digital communications are imperfect, meaning nuances are lost in texts and emails. It is difficult to understand the written word and grasp the subtleties that you are trying to convey. Tone is especially difficult to measure; if you are only trying to convey a sense of frustration, it may seem like an outrage to the reader.
As communication coach Almari Meyer wrote for LinkedIn in 2017 :
Research has shown that the tone of an email is always perceived as more negative than the sender suggests. When you write a neutral email, it comes across as negative. An improvement proposal can be viewed as criticism. And when you write a lightly critical comment, it is perceived as very critical.
Even if you are trying to say something important and justifiable, your message will be drowned out by your anger.
Write an email or text message and then take a walk
If you’re upset but need to send a message on time, write a note, but take a 10-minute walk before sending it. Both work and life require an immediate response at times, so it is understandable that you feel obligated to write a message in a hurry, despite the burning ball of anger in your chest. If you can cut out a small window, take a healing walk before posting. Take deep breaths as you walk. Think about why you are angry and how you can convey an even more effective message if you try to convey a more empathetic atmosphere in your prose.
If walking isn’t your speed, try something else, like stretching, painting, or dancing. All it takes is to let the anger subside, to let the clarity take over.
Write an angry note and then fall asleep on it
Unload completely if necessary. Use this note to release pent-up emotions and anger. But don’t submit for sure. If you write an unfiltered draft of an e-mail or text message with profanity, but leave it on for 10 hours, you can return to it in the morning when you calm down. Once the anger has dissipated, you can change your draft to something much less messy.
Talk to a friend or colleague
People tend to trust their intuition. When you’re in a fit of anger, it’s a terrible decision. Many studies show how anger often poisons decision-making skills and common sense. Instead of relying on your instincts, talk to a close friend or trusted colleague (or even a therapist) who can be a little confusing. Just like waiting for you to calm down to send a message, it’s like consulting with someone less angry with you, getting a clear and unbiased second opinion will serve you well.
Regardless of which course of action you turn to, the conclusion is the same: it’s much easier to live life with few regrets if you don’t give yourself a reason to immediately regret something.