What to Do If Your Sex Drive Is Low
After jokes about an impending pandemic baby boom in early March 2020, reality seems to have drowned : According to The Atlantic, a “baby crisis” is more likely. A significant portion of the population has reported decreased sex drive since the disorder began, according to the Collaborative Study of Health and Functional Outcomes at the Time of Infection . When the world seems to be crumbling around you (national politics certainly doesn’t help), starting a sex life can feel like climbing a steep mountain peak. So what to do? You may be inclined to see your doctor for help when your sex drive is low, but that may get you nowhere. I have heard many stories of doctors giving terrible (and, frankly, offensive) advice, “Just have a glass of wine and relax,” which was especially infuriating. (This is also the most common advice doctors give to women who have never had an orgasm.) Unfortunately, you don’t need to do much sexuality training to become a doctor, which is why many doctors are extremely unprepared to deal with sexual problems. … In my experience with clients, it is almost always possible to pinpoint the exact reason why your sex drive began to decline. Read on for my advice on how to understand why your sex drive has disappeared.
Find a new doctor
This can take a lot of time and patience, but I highly recommend finding a doctor who is better at understanding sexual issues. Read Yelp reviews and / or talk to your doctor before making an appointment.
It is worth it because there are many diseases that can cause decreased libido. Some of the most common:
- Imbalanced hormone levels (this can be checked with a simple blood test)
- Depression and anxiety
- Thyroid imbalance (also a simple blood test)
- Arthritis
- Crayfish
- Diabetes
- Heart disease
- High blood pressure
- Neurological diseases
- Sleep problems
- Chronic pain
- Kidney disease
Check your first aid kit
Medications can also often cause a decrease in libido. Most doctors don’t talk about the side effects of sex drugs, and most people don’t read the small print in the little pamphlets that come with drugs. As a result, many people are surprised by the sudden drop in libido because they are not tapping into their medications.
The most common drugs that can cause decreased libido include:
- Anticonvulsants and anti-anxiety drugs such as Valium, Ativan, and Klonopin.
- Antihypertensive medications such as beta blockers and ACE inhibitors.
- Cholesterol-lowering medications such as lipitor and crestor.
- Antidepressants and anxiety medications such as Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft. Even Wellbutrin, which is touted as having fewer sexual side effects, can still have sexual side effects.
- Hormonal birth control such as birth control pills, rings, and a hormonal IUD.
Fortunately, there are ways to mitigate the effects of medications, including:
- Dosage change
- Changing the timing of a dose
- Adding other medications
- Try similar drug classes
Of course, you need to talk to your doctor before making any changes to your medications.
Examine your lifestyle
Most of us take our sex drives for granted, expecting them to function on their own. It may work at certain points in our lives or relationships, but it is not a successful long-term strategy. Your sex drive needs ongoing support to thrive.
Try asking yourself the question, “Does my lifestyle support a healthy sex drive?” Here are some factors to consider:
- Do you even have time for intimacy? Or is every minute of your day scheduled?
- Do you have the energy to feel desire? Do you take care of your body, feed it healthy food, exercise and get enough sleep?
- Do you have a good sex environment? Take a look at your bedroom or other area where you most often have sex. I have found that people often underestimate the influence of the environment on our desires. Does your space evoke desire? Or has it become cluttered, messy, and distracting?
Take an honest look at your relationship
Your relationship can greatly affect your sex drive. Whatever dynamic happens between you and your partner outside the bedroom, it will affect things inside the bedroom. If you and your partner are distant, if you no longer see each other, or are constantly fighting, you will not feel the urge to be close. If you’re both too excited about the news, work, or kids to pay attention to each other during the day, you can’t expect sparks to fly out when the lights go out. Differences in your sex drive can also cause problems. If you’ve always been a partner with a higher sex drive, sensitivity to frequent rejection of your partner could lead to a decrease in your own sex drive.
If you are having relationship problems, I highly recommend contacting a couples counselor or sex therapist. It really helps to have some outside support in investigating and fixing issues that drive a wedge between the two of you. Even if everything is in order in your relationship, it is still worth contacting a sex therapist. The simple act of mentally, emotionally, and financially investing in your sex life can naturally bring some energy back into the bedroom. You can also find ideas on how to rekindle the spark in your relationship.
Think about the sex you had
Your sex drive is an endless cycle. The old adage “use it or lose it” sounds terribly silly, but in a way it is true. If your sex life is boring, predictable, or stale, your sex drive will naturally diminish. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to have a strong desire for something that is not so pleasant.
The truth is, maintaining an active and fulfilling sex life – and the accompanying sex drive – takes a lot of effort! If you make an effort to have better sex, you will likely notice that your sex drive has improved as well. Some options to consider include:
- Planning sex or dating
- Trying new things in the bedroom together
- Redefine your boundaries and see if you’re willing to experiment with something else
- Be vulnerable and share your wishes or feedback with your partner.
Consider the possibility that everything is in order.
Your sex drive will fluctuate throughout your life. Most people in their teens experience a fairly strong sex drive. With age, desire may become more subtle, but this does not mean that it does not exist. One of the most common patterns I see is that people need to be “nudged” more in order to feel desire. For example, you may not feel the urge until you start kissing your partner or take off your clothes. Or, you may be more sensitive to setting the mood with candles or music. Try asking yourself, “What kinds of dynamics or situations usually help me feel a little more interested in sex?” Taking the time to find patterns can change the world for the better. This article was originally published in September 2018 and has been updated on January 8, 2021 to include updated context and align content with the current Lifehacker style.