How to Talk to Someone Who Has a Substance Abuse Problem
Amid all the justifiable Internet buzz surrounding COVID-19, a crumbling economy and our largely uncertain global future, TV shows about drug addiction and adolescents manage to cut through that buzz. The first special episode on Sunday from HBO’s Euphoria challenged its conventions as a racy show about chaotic life, centering the episode on a wide-ranging conversation about drug addiction between the main character Rita (Zendaya) and her sponsor, Ali (Colman Domingo).
To say that the conversation – and the episode – is fascinating is to say nothing. Television is rarely a model for life when it comes to public and personal health problems such as addiction, but Euphoria illustrated the complexities of solving this problem with a friend or loved one. Any conversation about addiction will inevitably lead you on different paths with different people, but there are some general principles to follow when considering this difficult process.
Don’t be critical or judgmental
Even under normal circumstances, criticism and judgment are usually not the best social lubricants. Even if this person has damaged the lives of others, you cannot humiliate him or liken his addiction to deliberately making mistakes over and over again.
Addiction is a disease, and while it can be stimulated through the social environment, its roots lie in the brain. That being said, instead of using accusatory words, make your remarks less inflammatory.
The Narcology Center sets some general rules in this regard:
Be sure to stay away from accusations and criticism. Instead of jumping to conclusions, show empathy for their situation. Saying “you screwed up” will only defend your friend. Instead, try using phrases such as “I’m worried about your health” or “I’ve noticed some difficult situations you’ve been facing lately.”
Have a safe conversation
Not to overdo it with Euphoria ‘s example, but it happened in a deserted diner on Christmas Eve. It is an environment conducive to frank discussion – basically the opposite of a crowded party, family dinner, or office break room. Feeling safe from an individual worry or potential intruder will cause that person to open up.
Take some time and invite this person. Make it a calm, individual matter. To a large extent, a safe environment depends on a lack of confrontation. As the Narconon Drug Treatment Organization advises :
The first thing to do is to make sure that the addict feels comfortable and that you make communication with him as pleasant and as non-confrontational as possible.
Rely on the support system
This works to your advantage in several ways. First, it helps to understand the seriousness of the situation, using several people, each of whom has an individual relationship with the addict and is personally interested in their recovery. A drug addict may be more attentive to the advice of one person than to the advice of another.
Second, using a multi-person approach will help the person who is struggling to understand that there are so many people who care about them and that they are interested in seeing that person recover for their own sake.
Use a specific language
The language you use is critical to reducing the stigmatizing effects of addiction. A good way to start is to use self-statements in which you are not referring to the person’s problem and what they are actually doing, but to how their actions affect those around them.
A document from Boston University says :
The “I” message can help you communicate your concerns, feelings, and needs without blaming others or showing threats. This will help you get your point across without causing the listener to turn off.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse showcases many synonyms you can use to reduce the use of stigmatizing language. And if you’re not going to use “I” statements, try writing everything in the first person, which might be a little less restrictive in terms of limiting your language capabilities.
Use person-centered language that focuses on the person rather than the disease. It aims to remove words that define a person by his condition or have a negative meaning. For example, “a person with a substance use disorder” has a neutral tone and separates the person from his or her disorder.
Get professional help
Concerned friends and family are an important piece of the recovery puzzle, but often they cannot be solved without professional help. Find out what rehab centers are in your area, or look for one with a good reputation, even if it is far away. The dual effect of home support groups and the treatment of trained professionals will certainly strengthen each other.
It’s a process, so just know that this tactic most likely won’t change anything overnight. But the constant efforts to help the loved one break the addiction can lead to success if done right.
If you or someone you know is suffering from substance abuse, call the Office of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).