Don’t Cook Steak in a Toaster, FFS
No matter how hard I try, I can’t get into Food TikTok. It’s a lawless place where fluke is the norm and camera tricks are rampant, plus there are so many kids here and I don’t like watching kids perform performatively if they’re not connected to me. (The only TikTok-er I check regularly is this 40-year-old man who is into very unique and interesting car modifications.)
But maybe I should give Food TikTok – and the kids who drive it – another chance. Not because they have good recipes, but because they are masters of Dadaism. Take this video from TikTok user Juliet (@ itmeju1iette) for example:
Anyone who has ever cooked a steak, especially one as fatty as the one Juliette cooks, knows this is a bad idea, and anyone who takes even two seconds to look at the rest of Juliette’s profile will see that it is absurd. performance. … Her bio says “Champion Chef,” and her other two food videos feature spaghetti and meatballs cooked in a coffee machine , as well as bacon and eggs cooked with a hair straightener . It’s a shitty posting at its best, but some people’s minds are too literal for Juliet’s art, so The Sun “communicated” this “cooking method” as if it were a serious culinary proposal.
Without even looking at the rest of Juliet’s TikTok videos, it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t cook “her boyfriend’s steak” entirely in a toaster. We’ve never seen her take a cooked steak out of the toaster, but the biggest clue is the lack of greasy fire. While there is nothing wrong with using infrared light to cook a piece of meat, the main problem with steak cooking in a slotted toaster is that the fat has nowhere to go except in the toaster, which will surely lead to fire or fire. least of all smoke, like the devil himself. (Judging by the browning of the steak, a fair amount of fat has leaked out.)
What are we learning from all this? Well, I found out that some kids are pretty funny (although I have no idea how old Juliet is, she looks pretty young) and that British tabloids are one of the most irresponsible and evil forces in food journalism today. (First this sandwich, now this one!)
If Lydia Hawkin of The Sun had even glanced at the rest of Juliet’s profile, or had a 30 second conversation with Gordon Ramsey (it’s a small island; I’m sure she could have found it in about two hours), she would have understood that this little video is a joke meant to be laughed at, not passed off as something someone actually did, which might encourage copycats.
And that’s why I am writing about this video. If you’re someone who’s seen an “article” from The Sun, or watched Juliet’s video out of context, and are thinking of sticking a few chunks of marbled beef in the slots of a toaster: don’t. You will likely burn fat that will ruin your toaster, steak, and possibly your home.
If you liked the toaster method because it felt straightforward and straightforward, don’t worry, making it in a pan isn’t all that difficult. If you’re scared, start from here and grab the steaks from Denver if you can find them. This is my favorite cheap cut and it turns out delicious without too much hassle, no TikTok Hack required.