Should You Have a “work Spouse”?
The COVID-19 pandemic has made major changes in how and where we work. This includes massive upheaval in the office culture – because let’s face it, as fun as it is to make caustic comments to your colleagues in Zoom private chats during meetings, it’s not the same as having them out there in real life. (In particular, effective eye rolls are now much more difficult.)
For people accustomed to relying on their work spouse – a platonic colleague they rely on for camaraderie and / or emotional support throughout the workday – this has been a particularly difficult transition period. When you’re used to spending most of your day with someone you not only enjoy being around, but who also fully understands the quirks and dramas inherent in your workplace, their absence is a major adjustment. Here’s how to navigate this unique relationship during a pandemic.
Advantages and problems of having a spouse at work
While having a spouse at work can dramatically improve your relationship at work, there are pitfalls in relationships. Let’s start with the good.
Benefits of having a spouse at work
In a 2017 poll by TotalJobs , 17% of respondents said they have a spouse at work, and 48% said they have a close relationship with multiple coworkers. And for the most part, their employers agreed: 70% said they thought it was beneficial for their employees to have someone to connect with and trust at work. Another study found that people who have friendships at work end up happier in the long run.
According to workplace culture experts at Good & Co. Knowing that someone is supporting you at work (and vice versa) can increase a person’s chances of surviving at work:
Work spouses tend to share similar values and have a mutual sense of trust in each other, which creates a source of support, security, and empathy. They often use humor to help each other deal with stress and put problems in context while keeping motivation high. Work spouses are more likely to hope for work because of their relationship and tend to feel more confident and productive than those who do not have strong relationships with colleagues.
Plus, we have to point out that right now, when things are different and the days are running out together , having a spouse at work – even remotely – can help normalize your professional life. Only now, instead of quick coffee conversations about the unwise things your boss just did, those conversations can be moved to Slack.
Ethical issues related to the spouse’s work
Of course, spending so much time with someone five days a week can make things difficult even if the relationship is completely platonic, especially if one or both of the working spouses have romantic partners in real life. The same poll by TotalJobs found that 31% of people were indifferent to their partner’s work spouse, while 16% said their work spouse’s personality was similar to their partner’s.
A spouse’s work agreement can become ethically risky if boundaries are crossed (or at least deemed to have been crossed by a romantic partner). According to a 2018 survey by Simply Hired , the majority of American employees – 57% of men and 69% of women – introduced their spouse to work with their partner, which could make the relationship more enjoyable for their significant other.
And even if boundaries never technically cross, that doesn’t mean that attraction between colleagues won’t develop. In a survey that appears to focus exclusively on cisgender male-female work relationships in which both parties are heterosexual or bisexual, 84.4% of men said they were at least moderately attracted to their partner by work, although this figure drops to 61.9%. women. (Of course, work spouses are not limited by gender or sex.)
The key is to openly tell your partner about your work spouse and what the relationship entails. Couples can interpret differently what constitutes “cheating” or romance , so as with most situations, it is incredibly important to communicate to your partner what is happening to your spouse at work (even if it is indeed purely platonic). ).
“Developing positive relationships with colleagues as long as they stay within politically-respectful (and friendly to existing relationships) boundaries is essential to avoiding drama at work and at home,” says a report that accompanies Simply Hired survey .
How to maintain a relationship with your work spouse during a pandemic
First of all, it assumes that you want to maintain a working relationship with the person. This may not be the case at all, and if it applies to you, use the new norm to establish some direct and imaginative distance between you and this colleague. Or perhaps you and your spouse have become real friends at work and kept in touch all this time (in this case, everything is ready). But if you’ve lost – or are missing out – regular contact with your work spouse and want to change that, there are several ways you can handle it.
Carry on where you left off
The most obvious method is to simply pick up where you left off and continue to virtual banter and support each other in the workplace. And because you work together, you will always have something in common, and therefore, there will always be an easy way to start a conversation.
Find new ways to meet
In a recent Washington Post article, Lisa Bonos described several different couples of working spouses who have found effective ways to stay connected. These include texting during Zoom meetings (and throughout the rest of the workday), playing Animal Crossing together, and meetings for virtual happy hours, socially distant dinners, and masked walks.
What to do if you started a new job remotely
For those who have started working in a new position remotely , the conditions may not be ideal for forging business relationships with spouses (or even friendships), but there are ways to get to know and talk to your new colleagues, Bonos said. It could be something very simple, like asking a new colleague how he is doing and then sharing some information (necessary for work) about yourself .
In addition, Shasta Nelson, a friendship expert and author of The Business of Friendship , interviewed for an article in the Washington Post, suggests that you pick a few people you are working with and send them an email to see if they can schedule a 30 year meeting. a minute talk with you next week. “The goal is not to sit down and work on a project together,” she explains, “but to get to know each other better.”