Why Should You Strive for Yes With Your Children
Children hear a lot of no’s throughout the day. No, you cannot go to bed as long as you want; no, you cannot ride a bike without a helmet; no, you can’t shove your sister. “No” easily becomes something of a reflexive response to any new or strange request, often even before you’ve actually processed it (just as kids seem to lean toward “no” with us ). “No” often requires less time and effort on our part.
But Joanna Goddard writes for Joe’s Bowl that as a young parent, she heard some parenting advice she remembered: Challenge this tendency toward automatic denial and “strive for yes”. Because some things will always be “no” – and rightly so. But not everything has to be like this, explains Goddard:
For example, here are some recent scenes at home:
- Toby wanted to wear a bathing suit in the bath.
- Anton wanted to jump from one sofa to another
- Toby wanted to mix milk and water
- Anton wanted to wear pajamas to the grocery store
- Anton wanted to lie down on a skateboard
- Toby wanted to wear shorts on a cold day
- Anton wanted to sleep upside down (feet on the pillow)
My knee jerk reaction is sometimes to say no – I mean, just jump into the tub, just drink milk – but then I think, why not? If it doesn’t hurt anyone, and they find it exciting or seductive for some reason, who cares? “Strive for yes” passes through my head, and I say, come on.
Saying yes encourages their creativity. This gives them more opportunities to explore, satisfy their curiosity, and build self-confidence.
Do they want to wear last year’s Halloween costume to the store? Of course, I think, and why not? If they want to take all your pots and pans out to the middle of the kitchen floor to create the most annoying drum kit in the world? There are worse things; have it! When you have some extra time (or patience), you can try to get a positive response.