A More Inclusive Way to Reach Out to the Child’s Family
Our kid’s Zoom classes can be eye-opening for many reasons, but one thing you may have noticed since the start of the school year is the sheer number of times some teachers refer to their students’ moms and dads. Not their caregivers in general, but their mom and dad in particular. For example, ask Mom or Dad to sign this form . Or, if you’re having trouble completing assignments, ask your mom or dad for help .
It goes without saying that not all families look the same. Some children have one parent at home, or two mothers, or two fathers, or grandparents, or a foster parent. The consistent and specific assumption that each child has one mother and one father to care for them at home can help make children of different family structures feel isolated . (Not to mention, it can actually be confusing for young children whether they are following the directions given to them. If they don’t have a mom or dad at home, do they still need this form signed?)
Of course, this can be a habit, especially for older teachers who find the words “mom and dad” rolling off their tongues after decades in the classroom. But there is a quick and easy solution that applies to all children and is actually one syllable shorter than “your mom and dad.” And these are “your adults”.
A proposal comes to us from Glennon Doyle , activist and author of Untamed :
If you find that your child’s teacher is using the default language “your mom and dad,” suggest that they switch to the more neutral language “your adults” – even if your child does have one mother and one father at home. Incorporate this neutrality into your mother tongue when you talk to other children, unless you know what kind of adults they are at home.
For teenagers or teenagers, the phrase “your adults” sounds too childish. It’s okay – there are other options! “Your people” or “adult homes” are more mature (but still neutral) ways to involve all families.