Remember, You Are Not Your Child’s Teacher.
The other day I accidentally came across a message that I wrote back in early April, when there were only 2-3 weeks left before the pandemic. It was titled “ If You Are Trying to Be a Parent Now, You Are Not Alone, ” and now it reads like a sadness time capsule. It instantly brought me back to how long, stressful and endless those first few weeks seemed .
We’ve come this far since the early days of the pandemic, but we now realize that we still have a long way to go . It’s going to be so odd this school year that we called LifeHacker’s Back-to-School Topic Week “Back- ISH- to-School of the Week .” I wanted to end Back to School Week by taking a collective deep breath and reminding myself of something important.
There will be a lot of things going on this school year (I personally have a lot of shortcuts for this, but I don’t have to type all those damn words here). But if you haven’t actually pulled your child out of school and made a commitment to homeschooling this year, there is one thing we need to keep in mind : this is not homeschooling . And you are not your child’s teacher.
I do not want to say that we do not have a long autumn, winter and, possibly, spring ahead of us. Next week, my son will switch to a hybrid schedule and study at home on a Chromebook three days a week. I am not looking forward to all the technical difficulties, Zoom complaints, and unexplained digital assignment disappearances that were completed but did not appear to be submitted . But also? I’m not his teacher.
I will be here to support him because I love him and want to reduce his stress during all this. But our children need to learn to communicate their needs and personal obstacles to teachers just as if they were in the classroom.
If our children are struggling – when our children are struggling – they can work with their teachers to find solutions. If our children are old enough to read and write, we can work with them how to write a polite message or email asking their teacher for help or additional instructions or clarification. If they are not old enough to read and write, we can schedule time for them to talk to their teacher so that they can explain what is difficult for them.
But this is not the same as sitting and trying to teach them the material on your own. This is not the same as trying to re-learn math in third grade using a method different from the one we were taught, as I found myself doing last spring. Math in third grade was my limit; if he needs help with math in fourth grade, he will have to discuss it with his teacher, a person who is not me. We are here to help facilitate, not educate.
I know that not all situations are created equal. Parents of special needs students: I see you. I know your problems are great, if not impossible. But remember: you are not their teacher. If there is an absolute disaster this year (and it may well be), then it is not your fault. You are their parent and do your best.
And if you’re still struggling to become a parent right now , almost six months after the start of this pandemic, you are still not alone.