How to Achieve Emotional Sobriety and Why It Matters
When we think of sobriety, it usually means giving up alcohol or recreational drugs, but this is much more difficult. Sobriety means “no intoxication,” as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), and then explains that sobriety is more related to no alcohol problem than complete abstinence.
There is also an emotional sobriety, which Rachel Finzi Woods , a licensed marriage and family therapist, involves “learning to deal with unpleasant feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that addiction is trying to hide or avoid.” This entails confronting and managing your emotions in healthy and constructive ways, rather than resorting to methods that harm us or others. ” In an article on PsychCentral, Woods discusses emotional sobriety and how to achieve it. Here’s what you need to know.
What is emotional sobriety?
As Woods notes, emotional sobriety requires that we learn to sit with thoughts and feelings that make us uncomfortable, and then manage our emotions in a healthy and effective way. She writes about emotional sobriety as a necessity after reaching the point of sobriety from recreational drugs and / or alcohol, but the concept can be useful to everyone. Woods says emotional sobriety doesn’t mean we’re experiencing “positive” emotions all the time — and that’s not the point. It is more about developing the tools needed to deal with problem feelings, behaviors, and situations as they arise.
How to develop emotional sobriety
First, Woods notes that it is important to understand that we may not have control over what happens to us, but we control how we react to it. Other signs of her emotional sobriety include:
- We live most of our lives in the present moment, paying attention to what is, instead of being caught up in thoughts of the past or the future. We do not scold ourselves for past mistakes. Instead, we learn from the past, devoting much of our energy to the good life today. We understand that every day is a new opportunity.
- We are able to regulate our behavior rather than being dependent on obsessive urges or other self-destructive patterns. We do not engage in substance use or self-harm behavior. Instead, we make informed and informed decisions about how to respond to the current situation.
- We are effectively balancing our ‘do it’ and ‘do it’ lists. We are using our time and energy properly so that we do not run out of ourselves at the end of the day. We prioritize our activities and can say no to certain things in order to say yes to the most important.
- We effectively cope with life’s ups and downs. When life forces us to think, we solve the problem with honesty and grace, rather than letting intense experiences lead us to dysfunctional behaviors. We can take a step back and see the big picture.
- We have close, fulfilling and healthy relationships with other people. We can talk honestly with others. Our relationship is mutually and consistently supportive, encouraging and uplifting. We move from blaming others to considering our own role in conflicts.
- We have an optimistic yet realistic outlook on life, ourselves and the future, even in difficult times. We live by our values and believe that we can change the world for the better, both small and large, and we strive to do this every day.
- We know our limits. We avoid situations and people that might lead us to addictive behavior. We do not tempt fate.
To achieve emotional sobriety, Woods recommends practicing mindfulness, keeping a journal, participating in a support group, or going to therapy. But most of all it is about rethinking how you think about problems and how you react to them.