How Can I Get My Child to Sit While Eating?

Every parent has a particular point of contention: a thing that should be simple and easy for other parents, but it never comes easy for them. A child who never gets tired before bed. A child who absolutely hates the car seat from day one. A kid who refuses to get into a stroller, no matter what. And, of course, a child who doesn’t want to cooperate with meals.

One of these parents writes to us to ask for advice on the latter:

How to get children to sit at the table while eating? We have had this problem for years. I tried to explain the problem with crumbs getting all over the place, that it is rude to get up, clean the plate when he gets up, make him clean up the mess (every now and then) and nothing works. Any tricks? Now that we’re all stuck at home for a bite to eat every day, it’s just sooooo annoying. “

Sincerely,

Show me the magic

Darling show me the magic

Oh, how I wish. One of my closest friends went after her preschool son, begging him to have another piece of sandwich or waffle. He was a tiny, skinny guy with little interest in food or meal times. I’ve seen her struggle with it for years, and I know how a person can wear it.

That being said, I actually went looking for a solution for you – some fancy, lesser known trick you could implement. (Have you tried flipping a coin? Try flipping a coin !) When I couldn’t come up with anything particularly impressive, I asked Tracy Ball, the pathologist at Enable My Child , to contribute. And he said (brace yourself), “The closest trick I could think of is consistency.”

It might seem like you’ve already been consistent given how long you’ve been dealing with it and the fact that you ‘ve never liked it. But there are inconsistencies in how you tried to deal with it; you tried to reason with him, you took his plate, you made him clean up, etc. and you lose.

So, going forward, you need more consistency in your meal timing expectations and associated consequences, but you can also look at consistency in other aspects of meal timing. Kids tend to do well when they know what to expect, so if you haven’t already, establish a more structured daily routine throughout the day with meal and snack times as an anchor. Ball says it might even help simulate how preschools handle it – with a timetable with pictures.

“Preschools put pictures on a message board or wall … so [students] know it’s time to circle, then play, and then eat,” says Ball, who is also the father of two young children. “So they can see this graph; a timetable with pictures can be very helpful for a very young child. “

How hungry they are will also affect their interest in lunch, so try to limit them to one small snack in between meals. It helps if the whole family sits down at the table together (realizing that this is not always possible, given everyone’s schedule). Get your child’s help with cooking and cleaning. Even at the age of three, children will enjoy “work,” such as laying out napkins for each family member or carrying cups to the table. You might even consider getting them involved in meal planning, whether it be giving them the opportunity to voice their opinion about what the family eats once or twice a week – or at least which days you eat certain meals.

After you sit down to eat, consider starting your meal with some sort of family ritual, such as a song you sing together or a round of ups and downs where each family member shares the high and low of their day. … … And make sure there are no electronic gadgets or other distractions on the table like toys.

And finally, before you suddenly rearrange things and come to dinner with stronger expectations, it might be a good idea to sit down with your son and explain how things are going to change. How much detail you have to have this conversation will depend on his age, but if he is about 4 years old, you should be able to say something like, “I know meal times were a little disappointing, but we’re going to change that now. so it’s best for everyone, including you. “

Get their opinion where you can (say, what ritual you start your meal with), and formulate your fresh, clear expectations – we sit together until everyone is finished eating, we keep our food on plates, etc. We decide what the consequences are for not living up to these expectations. And then? Stick to it. And if (when) one meal is a disaster, Ball advises, try to stay calm and focus on the next meal.

“It is very rare that you will eat two meals in a row that are difficult,” he says, “because if they miss one, they will be hungry until the next meal.”

Do you have a parental dilemma? Send your questions to mwalbert@lifehacker.com with “Parental Advice” in the subject line.