Now Is Not the Time to Buy a Mandolin Slicer
If you search for the phrase “mandolin slicer” on Twitter, you’ll see a fair amount of ads, a few tweets praising her as “game changer,” and many stories of grief and dismemberment. You see, mandolins are not a kitchen toy, but a kitchen weapon .
Yes, they can quickly cut almost anything into beautiful, paper-thin, uniform slices. But if you haven’t used a glove for many years – and don’t use a safety glove or cut-resistant glove – now just is n’t the time to use it. You will be fascinated, reassured, and satisfied with his efficient, elegant nature, and once you feel like you have “mastered it,” you will either remove the guard or weaken it, and disaster will strike. It’s not that if you cut yourself, the question is when. In the end, Sharp One always wins, and avoidable kitchen accidents are not what this country’s hospitals need at the moment.
Why is there such a sudden outbreak, you ask? I have two reasons: one is public and the other is personal. A few days ago, Twitter about cooking exploded over the tweet below, and many culinary writers and chefs chastised anyone who would dare to look at such a sharp and devious tool right now.
I was unable to find this new video – I think it was deleted – but I did find a video from two years ago in which Andy makes crispy chili as part of another dish, and although he uses a mandolin (no protection), he says you you can use a knife if you like. It’s still very casual about The Sharp One, but it doesn’t force mandolin on you.
Personally, I was terrified last Saturday night when my partner asked how I “made the onions so thin” for the Spam rice bowls I made. (It was shallots.) “I used a mandolin,” I said. “Oh,” he replied cheerfully. “Maybe I’ll buy one of them in my place.” “Absolutely not!” – I shouted before starting the lecture about how he will lose a finger, lose consciousness and burden his loved ones and many medical workers with unnecessary injuries. He insisted for a while until I “compromised,” saying that he could only buy and use it if he was wearing a cut-resistant glove. (This made him lose interest, even though I knew it was going to happen.) Then I made a vow not to use The Sharp One myself until this whole “affair” was over – because honestly, who am I kidding? I only slightly hurt myself with my mandolin, but she tasted blood. I feel that since then he has been biding his time, waiting for the most chaotic moment (which will be now) to happen.
I would advise you to “use the guard” or “get the glove,” but here’s the thing: you won’t. Sure, you can start with protection or a glove, but you get cocky, lazy, or smug and then you start bleeding. Lot. This would be bad under normal circumstances, but as you well know, things are not going well these days, especially in hospitals. Use a knife, that’s what I say, and get to know the mandolin later.