Will Only Children Be Harder During a Pandemic?

If you are the parent of any number of children, chances are you are worried about how this will affect them this time in isolation. Parents of children with special needs struggle to get the services their children usually rely on. Parents of several children wonder when the endless arguments between siblings will officially drive the whole family crazy. And parents of only children may worry that their toddler doesn’t have a built-in playmate.

As a parent of an only child, this was one of the first problems that bothered me when schools closed, and it quickly became apparent that even playing with another child was no longer a safe option. And over the past six weeks, my son’s status as “only” – although admittedly likely to have made pandemic parenting much easier for me than for many others – has continued to rank first among my biggest concerns about how he will be. live at this time.

But so far away? He was fine. Or at least as good as one might have hoped or expected. And I have every reason to rationally believe that everything will continue to be all right with him. And that your only children will be fine too. And that’s why:

Only children are used to being only children

Our only children weren’t the only children on the day that coronavirus quarantine hit your state. These are unusual times, but they do not change the fact that only children, at least in most cases, have always been only children. You may be wringing your hands over whether or not they are alone – and yes, they most likely miss their friends right now. But they are also used to being the only child in the house.

They are probably pretty good at playing on their own and having fun. And while they probably would like them to get the hell out of the house as much (if not more) than you want, nothing has changed in your family structure; it is agreed.

They can still be social

Something that my son wouldn’t give right now for one shootout of Nerf with his best friend or one soccer practice with his teammates. He is a very sociable child, and so far not a single weekend has been without communication with friends. But he craves connection , not necessarily physical intimacy.

We found ways to satisfy his need to communicate in other ways – by seeing his classmates on Zoom, FaceTiming with friends during the day’s Minecraft marathons, and by writing letters to pen pals. From time to time he rode his bike with a friend (yes, and with his parents, who make sure they maintain a proper physical distance from each other). Hell, we even stood on one street corner while each stood on the other corner and chatted with each other.

For a 9-year-old child, this is quite easy to do. But what about younger children who can’t communicate and play games with their friends on a tablet with the same ease and efficiency? Don’t panic about them either, Dr.Katie Hirsch-Pasek, professor of psychology at Temple University, told the New York Times :

“What they lack is this navigation and negotiation with the social world. It is important? Absolutely. Will it be destructive? Definitely not. “She said it will take years for children to be seriously affected by the current practice of asylum at home.” They still live in a social world. We are part of this social world. We are their guides and travel agents. I do not consider that it hurts them, ”she said.

Videoconferencing with loved ones or playmates is still beneficial for toddlers and preschoolers because it helps reinforce the art of communication and language development, as opposed to watching TV, Hirsch-Pasek said.

They are getting more and more of your attention.

In people who our children need the most right now? This is us, their parents. They want an environment that is as calm and free of anxiety as possible, and we are the best people to provide that for them – no matter how difficult it is for us right now. As much as we can, we can use this time at home to communicate with them. As Rebecca Onion writes for Slate :

Many experts I interviewed wanted to emphasize that the most important thing for your child’s sense of well-being now is to remain as resilient as possible. Children, as Yale University psychologist Dylan Gee wrote in an email, are “highly susceptible and sensitive” to parental stress. “The most important protective factor a child can have in a stressful situation is a loving, supportive, and consistent caregiver,” said Gee, who has studied how caregivers can help children regulate their own stress. “In this sense, children are with the people they need most during stressful times.”

They need you. And the fact that there is only one of them could mean that they will get more of you than they could. In this regard, the numbers work in their favor: you can set aside time for regular communication, whether it’s tossing the ball in your backyard, walking around the neighborhood every day, or learning to play chess together.

They will be fine

The undeniable truth is that we are here in uncharted territory. We have no way of knowing with any certainty what the long-term consequences of this type of isolation will be on our children – or us, for that matter.

But just like children who argue with siblings about who will choose a movie every night, we have every reason to believe that if we provide our only children with consistent opportunities for communication and a safe and loving environment, they will everything will be OK.